Afraid your partner isn't 'the one'? Chances are those thoughts are ruining your relationship 1 year ago

Afraid your partner isn't 'the one'? Chances are those thoughts are ruining your relationship

If you don't over analyse your relationship constantly than you're in the one percent of humanity.

It's natural to wonder if your relationship will go the distance and if your partner is right for you, this is something we all do; but, overthinking about whether or not they're the elusive "one", your exact match, the "perfect" boyfriend actually does more harm than good, according to new research.

Although you might believe that analysing your partner to see if their stars align with yours is "forward thinking" and 'future planning", you'll be frightened to know it could end your relationship sooner than you think.

Relate relationships counsellor, Rachel Davies, spoke to Cosmopolitan explaining how "the one" is, in fact, a myth and for a constant relationship worrier like myself, it was an eye-opener.

"We can end up dismissing or ending relationships with perfectly good potential partners because they don’t tick all of the boxes.

"The myth of 'The One' is often compounded by the idea that the best partners fulfill all aspects of your life - social, emotional, intellectual, sexual, practical.

"It’s a tall order for anyone to live up to this. The problem with high expectations is that we’re likely to be disappointed, and if we’re following the 'The One' myth, this means we may scratch a partner off the list who is right for us in many ways," she told the publication.

Believing that there is one person out there for you, especially in today's modern society when we've access to so many people and can view so many relationships through the lens of social media, is actually seriously harmful. Too much data and too much fear equal a poisonous potion.

I would know first hand, constant fear that because my boyfriend doesn't pose with me like "that couple" on my feed or because I'm not gifted like "this girl", it can make you think that because things aren't exactly how you'd like; this must be wrong, right?

But again, we need to remember that what's posted on social media is a highlights reel of a person's life. Nobody is going to post the fight they just had or the fact they're wondering if their relationship is worth the hassle now, are they?

"If there’s enough good in the relationship, it’s worth working on the less-than-perfect areas and giving your relationship some effort."

Continuing Rachel added that focusing on "the one" aspect is unhealthy and instead we should ask more positive less challenging questions like if they make you happy?

“Can I be myself around them, or am I always trying to be somebody else? Do we have a laugh together? Do we have similar values and do we support each other?"

If your answers are yes then you need to focus more on the present. Don't lose out on the incredible moments and times you can have right now for fear that the future is uncertain. The future is never certain and so, you need to cherish what you have now and look forward as a team.

You can read the whole study here.