“I’m in quite the dilemma.
“I fancy my best friend’s sister. I always have fancied her since we were teenagers but it was only recently that we were on a night out and we kissed.
“My best friend knows and doesn’t seem too fussed – but me and her sister have gotten a bit closer in recent weeks and I don’t think the BFF knows how serious it’s getting.
“I don’t want things to get weird, and I’m afraid if things end badly with myself and the sister, it’ll ruin all relationships involved.
“Am I thinking too much into this? Please help.”
Quite the dilemma, indeed.
Look, things are always going to be more complicated when people other people know (and potentially even love dearly) are involved.
In an ideal world, every person every one ever dated would be a complete stranger with no friends in common. That way, nobody could ever shatter the illusion of perfection that you build up around a person or go off on a mad one when you inevitably end things.
We, unfortunately, do not live in an ideal world though. On the contrary, we live in Ireland where everybody knows everybody and you can hardly look at someone meaningfully across a bar without some lad you’ve been mates with for four years piping up with a “Hey, we went to the Gaeltacht together.”
It happens. A lot.
So by extension, you don’t need to feel weird about potentially starting something serious up with your friend’s sister.
You’ve know her for a long time, you’re probably friends with some of her friends, you know you get on – she’s probably a better shout dating/kissing-wise than half the girls you’re going to meet on nights out randomly.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that your scenario sounds decent enough and that if your friend hasn’t aired any grievances by now, she’s probably not going to.
She sounds chill enough and if she knows that you guys are into each other, it’s hardly beyond the realm of possibility that something (kissing or otherwise) was going to happen.
If you’re at all like me though, you’re probably spending half your life wondering when the next conceivable thing is going to go wrong even when just about everything seems pretty much OK.
It’s a difficult cycle to get yourself out of. No amount of telling yourself to just chill out a bit is going work when you’re constantly expecting the worst.
All you can do is be confident in the knowledge that you’re able to read this situation and that if your friend does start to feel a bit off about the whole scenario, you’ll be able to tell.
Right now though, it all seems to be grand.
Keep your mate in the loop about what’s been going down kissing-wise if that’s something you’re going to be worried about.
Chances are they’ll tell you it’s all G and assure you that you really don’t have to update them every single time you and her sister share a tender moment.
If they’re sound they will, anyway.
Similarly, if things do end a bit sour between you and the sister, your mate will hopefully be able to see that whatever happened happened between the two of you – not anyone else.
… Unless you end up treating her really badly, screwing her over, and giving your mate a legit reason for ruining what you guys have, you should be fine.
So just don’t do any of the above, as a rule of thumb.
Be grand.
Worried about going on a first date with someone new? Got some lad onto you who won’t take the hint? Are you being ghosted, breadcrumbed, or some other new form of dating trend? Just need somewhere to vent about everything that’s wrong with your love life? Same, to be honest.
Don’t worry though because at Her we’ve been there, we are still there, and we can maybe even give you some decent advice. At the end of the day, #ShiftHappens to all of us.
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