"My boyfriend KEEPS liking his ex-girlfriend's pictures on Instagram.

"Both him and his ex left the relationship on really good terms. They are both in the same wider friend group that would often do things together and he still likes all of her pictures. I’m talking pics of her posing alone and looking really well and it’s seriously getting to me.

"Like, I know they don’t really chat anyone and they hardly talk when we are all together in the wider group, but am I silly to let this get to me so much? The relationship is still so new. I tried to mention it to him one day - semi-joking, semi-serious - and he was like: “Are you mad? You have literally nothing to worry about,” but he is a joker/nice-guy anyway so it is often hard to take him serious about anything.

"This is really getting to me though and I find myself Insta-creeping this girl ALL the time. It's so frustrating.

"Do you think I should just let this go for the sake of looking insane, or even worse, jeopardising my relationship?"

This is literally the most sickening situation. Alright, maybe not the most sickening, but it's still pretty annoying and frustrating. I've done the whole friends with exes while with someone new thing before. A whole two times. Both times the lads in question were well aware of the situation, said that they genuinely didn't mind, and constantly reiterated that the exes were of no threat to them so they didn't care. Whether this was true or not is still up for debate, but while all of this was happening I did keep wondering how I'd feel if the tables were turned and they were in contact with their exes, liking their pics, and replying to their tweets just like mine were doing to me and I was doing to them. And I straight up decided that I wouldn't like it. It did take me a long time to realise though that not everybody has the same limits when it comes to ex contact, and that not everybody has the same emotional reactions when faced with a current partner's ex. My inability to accept the situation probably would have pointed to my own insecurities, either about the relationship or myself. And while that would be something I'd have to work on, that doesn't mean I would've had to be 100 percent grand with what was happening either. It takes a special kind of person (super chill and not jealous) to be in your situation and not feel something. Whether it's a mild irritation, fear, or just total anger, our past experiences have a tendency to crop up and make us act out during times when there's nothing at all to be worried about. Add Instagram into the mix and that absolutely is only going to increase your paranoia. We all know that social media has very little or no bearing on real life. Someone could like every single one of your pics, view all of your stories, wish you a happy birthday on your wall, and still think you're an absolute bitch. It doesn't mean anything, but for a lot of us, the connotations of what these interactions could mean is still there. On one hand, your boyfriend is most likely seeing his ex's photos, double tapping, and legit not thinking anything of it. And on the other hand, his ex could be seeing that he's still liking her pictures and reading into the situation - just like you are. The likes themselves don't mean anything, but the suggestions behind them and the scenarios we build up in our heads, do. So at the end of the day, no, I don't think it's silly to be this wound up. Your feelings are your feelings and if you're experiencing them then that means they're valid. I think the key here is not to let this get to a stage where you ignore how frustrated you are. If that happens, the two of you could end up in a mild argument and you'll start listing the times and dates that he liked her photos, featuring the exact location of her hand of her hip in the solo pic and the positioning of her espresso martini on the table in front of her. Bit grim, like. If you can't let this go though you're going to have to speak to him about it again. But before that, it might be worth figuring out where all of this frustration is coming from, what you're scared of happening, and pinpoint exactly why the situation is making you uncomfortable. Usually when things like this annoy us, it's because something similar has happened in the past. We've been let down or cast aside or rejected and suddenly the prospect of all that happening again manifests itself in a little like on Instagram. We know it's meaningless, but it's hard not to worry. It's much easier to confront someone about something if you can rationally explain why you're frustrated as opposed to just being like, "you liked her pic and she looked great and I feel like shit." If you do this, he'll hopefully be a bit more mindful of what you can see online. Or he can explain the situation from his point of view and really reassure you that there's nothing to worry about. And it's highly unlikely that there is, but your feelings are still important and if this is bothering you this much, it's worth bringing up again.

---

Worried about going on a first date with someone new? Got some lad onto you who won't take the hint? Are you being ghosted, breadcrumbed, or some other new form of dating trend? Just need somewhere to vent about everything that's wrong with your love life? Same, to be honest. Don't worry though because at Her we've been there, we are still there, and we can maybe even give you some decent advice. At the end of the day, #ShiftHappens to all of us.  Send all questions here or email Jade@her.ie. All submissions will be published anonymously.