Thinking about going ‘boy sober’? The relationship term explained

'Boy sober' is the latest trend to emerge in the dating scene

Whether it's 'ghosting', 'delusionship' or 'cuffing', to name a few, there's always a word to define one's love life.

Relationship terms have long evolved from the Facebook days when our love lives were limited to the options of 'single', 'in a relationship,' or 'it's complicated'.

There's now even a term that will resonate with people who choose not to engage with people of their sexual orientation in a romantic way.

Women, who have decided to focus on themselves and their friendships, and embrace their single status, are now opting to refer to themselves as 'boy sober'.

What is 'boy sober'?

'Boy sober' is a term that comedian Hope Woodard coined last year when she made it her New Year’s resolution.

Rather than opting for traditional labels like 'celibate' or 'abstinent', Woodard wanted to untangle herself from the dating scene by choosing to be 'boy sober'.

"'Celibate' does not sound cool. Celibate is giving, 'I'm gonna become a nun' to be,” she shared in a TikTok clip.

Rather than labelling herself as 'incel', which is a shortened version of 'involuntary celibate', which describes a person's inability to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one, Hope decided to be 'boy sober', which she says is not the same thing.

Woodard elaborated on the terms 'boy sober' and 'girl sober' in a later video and described it as giving up dating and romance for a certain length of time to 'be with yourself'.

Woodard's rules for 'boy sober' or 'girl sober' mean no dating apps, no dates, no exes, no situationships, and no hugs and kisses — a complete detox from romance, if you will.

However, should one choose to disclose their number to a suitor, she says, 'you have to disclose the fact you are boy sober'.

"Let's say you're out, you're seeing someone, you wanna give your number away, you can do that.

"But you have to say, 'Hey, I'm not actually dating right now, but I wanted to give you my number because maybe when I'm done with my time alone' - that actually sounds so weird doesn't it? Whatever, if you want to give your number away, you have to let him know."

The time spent being 'boy sober' or 'girl sober' should be used as a time of self-reflection to focus on personal growth.

Relationship experts labelled the trend as 'empowering' in a report by Indy100.

Lara Besbrode, the founder and a relationship expert at The Matchmaker UK, told the outlet that this lifestyle decision is 'rooted in a desire for self-sufficiency and personal empowerment.'

"This choice is largely about women wanting to focus on their own growth, ambitions, and mental health, rather than navigating the complexities of romantic relationships," Lara told the publication.

She also outlines that being boy or girl 'sober' isn't about avoiding companionship, instead 'seeing value in solitude for self-discovery and strengthening personal resolve.'

She continued: "Women are making a conscious decision to prioritise their well-being and achievements, finding joy and fulfilment in their independence and reshaping societal expectations about happiness and relationship status."

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