Dublin might be getting a cat café.
This is fun and exciting news, but it also has set my mind into overdrive regarding what other types of cafés we should have in this magnificent city.
I’ve drafted some proposals below, feel free to send in your suggestions.
People Watching Café
Looking at strangers is fascinating and addictive. Why not make it legal and not weird? This revolutionary café would contain an interesting bunch of people that are entirely on board with being stared at. Customers that are extremely invested in people watching will be invited to then ask the subjects one question each before they leave. Ever see someone on the bus and wonder if they thought Shrek 2 was poorly made? That dream is about to become a reality.
Touching Café
Get your mind out of the gutter, this is strictly Disney. Patrons of this coffee shop will be presented with a multitude of things to get their hands stuck into. Items such as paint, breadcrumbs, silk, soft skin and peaches will be laid out for customers to spend their time with. Touching things is our God-given human right and this has been suppressed for far too long. A vote for Touching Café is a vote for safeguarding our future.
Bubble Wrap Café
This is a guaranteed success. People can pop into the BWC as they please and drink caffeinated beverages whilst popping as many bubbles as their heart desires. There is the option to invent scented bubbles so each pop gives a different delicious scent such as peppermint, vanilla or Granny. At night time, the café descends into darkness where the glow-in-the-dark bubbles are brought out, accompanied by lasers and champagne.
Bouncy Castle Café
Childhood is but a distant memory. That doesn’t mean our enjoyment for inflatable houses has to be! If I’ve learned anything in my 25 years, it’s that adults pretend to be disinterested in bouncy castles, but deep down they are BURSTING to get into one. A BCC would remove the stigma attached to adult bouncing and provide a safe area for all. Drinks would need to be in those Lucozade Sport bottles that only dispense liquid when you squeeze them, to avoid spillages and dreaded soggy socks.
Sandcastle Café
Given that we encounter approximately two days a year where it’s suitable to go to the beach, why not bring the beach to ourselves if and when we need it? Nip into the sandcastle café at your discretion, just leave your shoes at the door. Enjoy a soy decaf skinny latte while building a full-scale replica of the Taj Mahal. Take a walk around and feel the European Standard Of Sand compliant grains between your toes. Heaven doesn’t seem so far away now.
Evelyn Cusack Café
The Toy Show managed to nab her, so why can’t we? I will pay any price. Logistically, the nation’s sweetheart would be permanently situated in a coffee shop for all to enjoy. She would happily facilitate any weather or Jean Byrne related queries whilst sipping on caffeinated beverages. Evelyn could decorate the place as she liked – it’s her gig after all. Similar to a cat café, Evelyn would divide her time equally among all customers at first, eventually finding her favourites and snuggling down for the afternoon.
