Eleven Awkward Stages Of Growing Up As A Teenager In Ireland

Being a teen is tough. You don’t have boobs, style or an escape route. Throw in town gossip, a word from your mammy and the school disco, and in fairness you deserve a medal for surviving the trauma. We reflect on some of the nostalgia we wish we could block from memory lane… 50 Shades Of Orange Nobody ever showed you how to use the Rimmel Foundation or Maybelline Great Lash mascara. Your face was a rainbow of colour, and blue eye-shadow was socially acceptable. The Bowl Cut No need to go to the fancy hairdressers – sure doesn’t mam have a good pair of scissors in the kitchen? That gave you a bowl cut, or fringe, or ‘layers’. Divine Intervention You kissed a boy behind the bike sheds and now he’s sitting between his mam and dad in Sunday mass. Your face is burning. THE PRIEST CAN TELL. Changing In The Bushes There was no way your mam would ever understand the length of your skirt. You were getting dropped off at the school disco en route and you would be changing in the bushes. Tights were just an unnecessary hassle in the pitch black… once you remembered to shave. To the left, to the left… No school disco was complete without the awkward segregation of boys from girls. You couldn’t look directly at the other side of the room. You weren’t a tramp. And if you did start dancing, never forget: “Leave Room For Jesus”… Car Pool But don’t worry, it never got hot and heavy. Not when your dad was waiting for you outside the gates. AND HE WAS WASN’T WAITING AROUND ALL NIGHT. First Time… …Drinking (steady on!) was not a classy affair. No French fare with a glass of wine at dinner. It was more likely a few cans in a field and you were sick on your own feet before heading home. With a pocket full of chewing gum. Adding Insult To Injury God help you if you weren’t graced with GAA prowess. Your moment to shine in the parish died along with those dreams of holding the Sam Maguire. Match day never felt so bitter. Being One Of The ‘Cool’ Kids Everyone who was anyone had a pair of Nope jeans. Not to mention rip-offs and a black plastic choker. You begged your parents for your official ticket to the cool club. In fairness, it was up there with air and water as a life essential. “C’mere ‘Til I Tell You” Kissing some lad, or maybe it was just a few minutes chat with a friend in the shops? Everyone in town knew about it and you were officially married off. You were hitting 16, it was time you looked at settling down. THAT Sex Ed Talk Want to deter underage kids from having sex? How about you sit in class while they play that awkward video of “one man and one woman” and force thirty students to keep looking ahead. There was one rule – no eye contact. Honorary Mention: You definitely had a crush on a boy back in the day. Which your family thought was public knowledge and was the source of every dinner fight with your siblings.