The Guinness World Records are a farce. They dish out awards for things such as having the biggest afro, eating the most chocolates in a minute and for being the shortest donkey. I want to live in a world where they award the simplest of wins during our day-to-day lives. Here are my propositions for some new categories in the GWRs.

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1. Stopping the microwave a millisecond before it beeps. 2. Squeezing a tiny drop of toothpaste out of the tube when everyone had dismissed it as empty. 3. Getting through to revenue straight away. 4. Finding a nice parking space near the door. 5. Happening upon a rogue €10 in an old coat pocket. 6. Securing the last sausage roll in the deli. 7. Safely and successfully defrosting literally anything. 8. Not being spotted by a former irritating colleague in the supermarket. 9. Being on time for work despite leaving the house twenty minutes late. 10. Achieving perfectly toasted toast on your first attempt. 11. Fitting your entire household in your handbag on a daily basis. 12. Finding out that your chosen brunch establishment does bottomless prosecco. 13. Discovering that your favourite TV series is starting back soon. 14. Waking up exactly one minute before your alarm is due to go off. 15. Not going over your mobile data allowance for the month. 16. Achieving a salon hair finish at home (we all know this is a myth but it would be something to aspire to).