‘Woke bae’: adjective.
“A woke bae is a boyfriend or (usually male) significant other who is progressive and enlightened in general. He is aware of current events and is sympathetic to plights against racism and sexism.
“My boyfriend suggested we go to the Women’s March on January 21st. I guess you could say I’ve got a woke bae.”
– Urban Dictionary.
There are many contributing factors that point to the existence of a ‘woke bae.’
Considering these points, and thanks to the power of scientific analysis, the RTE player, and a lot of free time on a Wednesday afternoon, we have managed to determine exactly how much of a woke bae Minister for Health Simon Harris really is.
Based on his appearance on last night’s Prime Time debate, his social media accounts, and his general demeanour, we have delved deep into the social standing of everybody’s new favourite Minister for Health to discover just how woke he is.
And, spoilers, he’s pretty woke.
Fashion and style
‘This is a what a feminist looks like’ screams the otherwise plain white Tee of the wokest man to roam this earth.
There is a printed arrow pointing to his face. He is wearing skinny jeans, listening to a Matt McGory vlog on his iPhone, and not catcalling women on the street.
He is a woke bae.
Simon Harris has (unfortunately) yet to grace our presence with a feminist-based Tee. His go-to #look consists mainly of a smart pair of slacks with some rolled-up sleeve action above.
As of late, however, Harris has been sporting a Together for Yes badge wherever he goes, ensuring that he expresses his wokeness without needing to say anything at all.
He also bought a Repeal jumper today.
Just in case anyone was unsure of my stance, thought I best buy the jumper! Jumpers are nice, voting is vital! #TogetherForYes #hometovote pic.twitter.com/WGW15ICFjg
— Simon Harris TD (@SimonHarrisTD) May 23, 2018
So woke.
Simon’s rating: 7/10
Feminist attitudes
A woke bae is many things, but he is first and foremost a feminist.
Most woke baes will tell you that they are a feminist within seconds of meeting them.
Some, however, bide their time and hit us with their stunning wokeness a little later on.
In Simon’s case, he waited – and when the time was right, he launched himself into convincing the country that yes, women – and our access to healthcare – matter.
https://twitter.com/tvcritics/status/999058637871083520
On last night’s Prime Time special ahead of the referendum, Harris concluded his debate by saying:
“If you believe that it’s wrong that every day nine women – and they’re not faceless women, they could be our mother, our wives, our sisters, our nieces, our neighbours, our work colleagues – if you believe it’s wrong that they have to travel, you need to repeal the 8th amendment.”
He also gifted us with a spectacular eye roll that will no doubt dominate GIF apps for months to come.
https://twitter.com/BoalsGoals/status/999069219462569984
Simon’s rating: 9/10
Twitter activity
A woke bae’s predominant form of communication regarding his progressiveness is Twitter.
If somebody makes a sexist comment, woke bae will call them out. If a person expresses confusion regarding the gender pay gap, woke bae will explain it to them.
He is always watching and he is always tweeting.
Simon Harris’s Twitter page has been, as of late, a woke bae paradise.
He’s shut down misinformation.
Proud of the company I keep – working with broad and enthusiastic coalition across party lines and civil society to campaign for care, compassion and change in Ireland #TogetherForYes @Together4yes https://t.co/ArMxgWktOA
— Simon Harris TD (@SimonHarrisTD) May 9, 2018
He’s made educated and factually correct statements.
Finally something I can agree with them on. Yes the issue of abortion pills is one of the reasons why I believe we should vote yes. It was also one of the reasons highlighted by the special all party committee. Termination is a reality for Irish women. We need to face realities https://t.co/oPI9ZV5Tu3
— Simon Harris TD (@SimonHarrisTD) May 21, 2018
He’s expressed anger and frustration after being targeted by a hateful ‘trolls.’
Thanks to those who contacted me about disgusting posters which have been put up across my constituency today. I saw them on way to work. Have too much important work to do to give this time but want you to know it only makes me all the more determined to work #togetherforyes
— Simon Harris TD (@SimonHarrisTD) May 8, 2018
Simon’s rating: 10/10
#Hottakes
A ‘hot take’ is a piece of commentary that generally flies in the face of what is deemed accepted discourse.
It tends to disguise itself as something intentionally thought-provoking, but really just exists to get a reaction from those who are willing to take the bait.
The hot take that a woke bae might use tends to be a little different.
For example, a typical woke bae might rely on a #hottake like ‘woah guys, maybe we should just listen to women’ to make himself appear even woker and also get 50k favs on Twitter.
The take here isn’t even hot – it’s barely luke warm, and Simon Harris would never dare to say something so painfully obvious for the sake of a few thousand retweets.
Never.
Simon’s rating: 4/10
‘Grammable content
A true woke bae will always have Twitter as their main portal of communication with the social media sphere, but to achieve the wokest of woke bae levels, one must also produce a substantial amount of Instagrammable content.
This can’t just be any content though – this has to be woke, feminist, hint-of-oppression-but-at-least-I’m-aware-of-it based content.
Think a lovely family photo with a little sister on her graduation day featuring a heart emoji.
Or a candid shot of a significant other with the caption: ‘The future is female #strength.’
Harris’s latest Instagram post features him standing in front of a large Together for Yes campaign poster.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BjH6u1fgo4r/?taken-by=simonharristd
Pretty woke, right?
Another shows him in Offaly with a few Yes campaigners, smiling contently with the caption: “Let’s make this happen.”
https://www.instagram.com/p/BjAJ8KTAO_q/?taken-by=simonharristd
Multiple older posts show Harris posing with an array of dogs.
One of the dogs in question is Poppy – a dog that Simon adopted from an animal rescue centre last year.
On the photo he wrote that he could “never understand” how a person would abandon a dog.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bhl4SkJg07i/?taken-by=simonharristd
Beneath the post, somebody wrote: “Omg respect for animals and women.” They included the heart eyes and the raised hands emoij.
Simon’s rating: 9/10
All things considered, it’s probably fair to go ahead and say that Simon Harris is a pretty big woke bae.
He’s a feminist, he’s not quiet on Twitter, he’s got a lot of info you need to know and he will tell you about it.
And because he’s a woke bae, you will want to always listen.
