How to Deal with Those Super-Toxic Friends

Friendships can be one of the most uplifting things on earth – where would we be without gossipy Sunday lunches with the women and girly nights out? But sometimes they can honestly suck so much. We’ve all been there.

Recently we chatted about the various types of toxic friends that can come into your life. These friendships are nearly always ill-fated from the start. These are the kind of friendships that don’t uplift you. In fact, they have the complete opposite effect – they weigh you down and leave you feeling dull and drained.

What do we think about toxic friendships here at HER.ie headquarters? Well we think that life is too short.

Once upon a time a wise person, who had a killer sense of style, said that every single relationship in your live (be it romantic or otherwise) should make you feel like a bright, bubbly, sparklier version of yourself.

What this basically means is that when you’re around your friends, you should feel good. And if said friends cause you more heartache than hilarity, it’s time to cut your losses and move on.

Now we understand how hard it can be ‘breaking up’ with friends, but sometimes you just know that the friendship is doomed.

So how should you go about dumping a bad friend? And, more importantly, how should you deal with the after-effects?

Treat it like an actual break up: We’re being serious. We’ve all been through a break up at some point in our lives and chances are we’ve all seen both sides of a break up (we’ve been the breaker up and the broken up).

Think back to a time when you were unceremoniously dumped by an insensitive jerk. Remember how much hurt you felt? If you break up with a friend, chances are this is what she’ll be feeling too. So be firm, but gentle. Sure, she may have done something awful on you, but be the bigger person and show some compassion. She’s only human.

Talk it out: “But talking never works!” we hear you wail. Yes, but it’s worth a shot anyway. Your former friend may not understand why you’re choosing to leave the friendship right now, but hindsight is a powerful thing and in a few years’ time, she might be grateful for the fact that you sat her down and explained your point of view.

Keep your talk straight to the point and try not to become defensive or angry. Simply state the reasons why you feel like the friendship isn’t working out and then give her the chance to have her say.

Give her the courtesy of listening to her – her reasons might surprise you.

Initiate no contact: Sometimes we can ‘break up’ with someone but then get sucked right back in with a text or a phone call. Do not allow this happen to you. You left the friendship for a reason, do you really want to go back?

No contact seems like a harsh move, but sometimes it can be the only want to get over something and move on to greener pastures. It’s also a good idea to block her from your news feed on Facebook or unfollow her on Twitter. As the old saying goes: out of sight, out of mind.

Give yourself a reality check: No matter how awful the friendship in question was, sometimes we can get nostalgic for the good times and be tempted to return or pick up the phone. If this happens to you, give yourself a firm reality check.

Remember how the friendship used to be. Maybe all she did was talk about herself or maybe she never took the time to ask you how you were. Maybe she betrayed you in a major way or maybe she ditched you for someone better.

Reality hurts, but it could help you get over the friendship and move on to a new, better friend in the future.