You went a little tiny bit crazy on the night before, you possibly danced on the bar counter but you’re not sure, you’ve woken up beside a mystery body and for some reason, you can only find one of your shoes. Yes, welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the fear and arguably one of the worst things to happen to you. It’s going to be a fun day.
Stage 1 – The “Where Am I?” Phase
Oh God, is this my bed? It is my bed! It just doesn’t look like my bed. How did I get home? Dear Jesus, what is going on?!
Stage 2 – The “Who Is This Person?” Phase
Oh no wait, is there some pillows in this side of the bed. Oh no, no. That’s a human being. I don’t know who they are. I’m going to go hide in another room and hopefully… oh it’s just my best friend. Yes, definitely not that lucky.
Stage 3 – “Where Is Everything I Own?!”
Did I have shoes? I think I had shoes. Oh dear.
Stage 4 – The “Try To Go Back Asleep”
I obviously haven’t had enough sleep to deal with all of this. I’ll just go back to bed.
Stage 5 – The “FML”
Now, I have to lie here and think about everything I did last night. Or in some cases, what I didn’t do? Or did I?
Stage 6 – The “Who The Hell Did I Text?!”
I’ll just lie here and look at my… WHAT THE HELL ARE ALL THESE SENT MESSAGES??!!
Stage 7 – “Why The Hell Did I Text That?!”
Did I text… Yes, of course I did. WHY?!
Stage 8 – The Horrendous Flashback
Why was I on a table with a load of men dancing to YMCA? Where was I?
Stage 9 – “I Need Food”
Food is the only thing that can sort this out. Hello, Four Star Pizza. Can I have everything on your menu? I mean everything.
Stage 10 – The “Horrors”
Nothing is going to get better here for the rest of the day, I’m just going back to bed again.
Stage 11 – The Receipts
While sourcing my card to pay for my pizza however, I seem to have found a mountain of receipts in my bag, up to about 5am, with various amounts of money on them. I am not checking my bank balance.
Stage 12 – The Failing At Life.
Here we are now, 7pm and we’ve barely made it downstairs. We’re just failing at life.
Stage 13 – The Song Flashback.
Turn on the radio, there’s Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas again. Oh no, on the table. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.
Stage 14 – The “I Need To Go Back To Bed”
I’ve been up for three hours now, it’s just not going to happen. I’ll have to go sleep this off.
Stage 15 – The “Wake Up At 6am”
Only to wake up right in the middle of the night… I’ve to be back in work tomorrow, why is all of this happening to me?!
Stage 16 – The Horrors… Round 2.
And here we are, 7am with all of the flashbacks we had forgotten, with no food in the press and facing into a full week of work. Why do we drink? WHY?
