You would prefer to forget about the weekend, seeing as you have given up trying to remember it anyway. Why not? You know you can start afresh on Monday morning when you will lie to yourself about everything you will do this upcoming week...
1. "I'm Not Drinking Until Saturday"
Good one. What day is today? It's only Tuesday??? Open that bottle of wine.
2. "I'll go to the gym five times this week"
Is today Wednesday? Ah look, I went twice this week. I'm done now.
3. "I'm going to be in bed every night at 11pm"
It's only 1.30am, I'll be grand in work tomorrow. Just one more episode of Love/Hate.
4. "I'm going to plan out my wardrobe every night for the next day"
Only problem is because you were up until 1.30am watching Love/Hate, you didn't get time. We will definitely start doing this again next Monday.
5. "I will cook dinner every single night"
Homemade salads and beautiful lasagnes, I will make them all. Then reality kicks in, you were just too bloody tired after work. Noodles it is...
6. "I will not buy any new clothes"
"What's in that Penney's bag?"
7. "I will catch up with all my friends abroad on Skype"
Is it wrong that I am too tired to call my friends?
8. "I'm going to have my hair perfect everyday"
Come Wednesday, you're lucky it's getting washed.
9. "I'm really going to put the effort in with my make-up"
By Friday, you cannot even FIND your make-up bag.
10. "I will clean the house, like all the time"
I will wash this cup to have tea, the rest can wait.
11. "I will respond to all of the emails in my inbox"
There are currently 716, wait now it's 717 emails in my inbox and I will read them ALL and reply to them ALL by... Forget it. Unread box.
12. "I Will Not Eat Any Chocolate This Week"
While sobbing because it's only Wednesday, you bought two walnut whips. It's ok. Next Monday is a new week...
