LETTERLAND!
As a child, the alphabet was hard enough to learn without the distraction of several quirky animals and humans doing weird things. Alas, that is where we ended up.
Since departing primary school roughly five years ago, I often find myself wondering what ever happened to those freaky little Letterland characters.
Let’s find out…
Annie Apple
Things turned sour for Annie shortly after her Letterland appearance. She followed her dreams of heading to New York, but was ultimately swallowed up by a hungry pedestrian near the Empire State Building. Her family were truly shocked to their core upon receiving the news. RIP Annie, you are okay now.
Golden Girl
This absolute divil retained her sparkle for many years after her stint as a Letterland character. Inevitably, life got away from her and she slipped to become the Silver Girl and subsequently the Bronze Girl. Now she collects scrap metal for her local yard at a very reasonable markup. She’ll always be our GG xoxo.
Harry Hat Man
Harry was taken in for a series of intense medical examinations to determine how he manages to gain an extra limb when capitalised. During the procedure, they had to surgically remove his hat and sadly, failed to relocate it afterwards. At a total loss of his identity, he simply goes by Harry these days. We wish him well.
Impy Ink
This loveable scamp hasn’t kept quiet since Letterland wrapped up, that’s for sure. He’s only gone and provided the actual ink for the visitors book at Anne Frank’s house. The quills that have been dipped in Inky touched the hands of celebrities including Mary McAleese, Twink and Quentin Tarantino. Good man!
Munching Mike
Michael, as he prefers to be called nowadays, had a difficult couple of years battling obesity. It seems he simply munched far too much and couldn’t manage to lose the weight. But thanks to the help of the Paleo™ diet, Michael is finally back to his goal weight and expecting a baby with his beautiful wife Nibbling Nancy.
Oscar Orange
Probably today’s most famous Letterland character, things have gone from strength to strength in Oscar’s career. The introduction of ‘internet speak’ sees him appearing in the world’s most used online phrases e.g. LOL, LMAO, ROFL, etc. Luckily, his rise to fame has distracted Oscar from the discovery that he, ironically, has a severe vitamin C deficiency. Chin up, Oscar.
Quarrelsome Queen
Sadly no longer with us, QQ got into a fight with the wrong person a few years ago and ended up in intensive care for six days. Her family made the tough decision to pull the plug, with the help of her idol, Brian May. Her dying wish was for everyone to start as many fights as possible. So, with that in mind, I can’t stand your hair, Brian May.
Red Robot
You may be confused by this imposter because he used to be called Red Robber. Red Robot was brought in as a replacement after Red Robber was jailed for six years for participating in an aggravated burglary. In dire need of a replacement, Letterland brought in Red Robot who, as you can see above, is very fond of rollerblading and seems nice.
Uppy Umbrella
With the influx of climate change and world temperatures constantly rising, Uppy Umbrella shortly went out of work after Letterland. Stupidly, she relocated to Aoulef in Algeria, where the average yearly rainfall is just 0.48 inches. She’s been down in the dumps ever since, but actively seeking employment. Come back to Ireland, Uppy!
Yellow Yo-Yo Man
As you can imagine, Yo-Yo Man has had his ups and downs since being a Letterland character. He’s got one leg but two times the sales prowess of any other yo-yo salesman this world has ever seen. He’s made millions, but sadly lost most if it. He’s currently touring primary schools around Ireland getting them to purchase his stock. If you see him, buy a yo-yo.
Images via Letterland.
