While a marriage is all about two people making a commitment to each other, sometimes making it work can be a lot tougher.
Like any relationship, it takes time and effort to keep both sides happy, but relationship experts warn that taking part in two behaviours could see the demise of your union.
According to The Independent, Peter Pearson, therapist and co-founder of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California said:
“In all marriages, you have so many interdependent interactions, from roles and responsibilities in the house to emotional and sexual aspects of the relationship.
“Your future is really tied to each other in so many ways.”
So what’s the most common reasons people find themselves seeking a marriage counsellor?
Pearson names conflict-avoidance and a ‘competition to always be right’ as the two destructive patterns to any relationship.
Explaining the theory, Pearson explains:
For conflict-avoidance, people are motivated by fear:
“For both people, the emotional risk of speaking up outweighs the potential benefit of bringing things up to the surface and working through them.
“You contort yourself to be acceptable to your partner so they won’t reject you or leave you. Each person compromises their wishes, their desires, their identity – the things that make them themselves.”
For those who are in a ‘competition to always be right’, Pearson added that there’s a battle to take control, including “lots of finger-pointing and blaming.”
If you’re guilty of either habit, Pearson says you need to take a long look at your relationship, where you both decide what you value, and your needs for one another.
While some people might decide that ultimately they want to break-up, Pearson reminds that being honest and open with your feelings could allow you the chance to build a stronger, mutually supportive relationship.
