Not In The Mood: The 5 Sneaky Sex Drive Stealers That Could Be Ruining Your Relationship

Normally you want to rip your boyfriend’s clothes off and get busy whenever, wherever but lately you’ve been suffering from the old ‘not tonight, darling’ syndrome (also known as a seriously low sex drive).

We know it can be disconcerting when this happens. Especially if it’s never happened to you before. However, the good news is that you’re not alone. According to health experts, over 40million women worldwide regularly suffer from a lack of desire when it comes to sex.

If you haven’t been in the mood recently, here are five common causes of a low sex drive and, more importantly, how you can go about fixing them.

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Is it time you gave your bedroom a makeover?

Sex Drive Stealer #1: A messy bedroom
Hear us out. According to relationship experts, a messy bedroom is one of the main causes of a low sex drive. Why? Well, us women folk are prone to these things call ‘cognitive distractions.’ This means that when we’re in a messy environment, we find it hard to switch off and focus on our other half. Understandably, this upsets our level of calmness making sex harder for us.

Fix the problem by: Spend one afternoon tackling the clutter and other distracting things in your bedroom. Try to keep clutter to an absolute minimum if possible. To make the experience more fun, why not invest in some lovely new bed sheets and make the atmosphere of your bedroom more conductive to romance by investing in a few candles? It’s a small change but it could make a massive difference to your love life.

Sex Drive Stealer #2: Repressed anger
If your bedroom isn’t the problem, it could be time to ask yourself if you’re angry or upset about anything in particular. According to relationship experts, women who have a lot of repressed feelings of anger and frustration towards their partner don’t feel like having sex.

Fix the problem by: Trying to figure out the source of your upset. Are you angry because he doesn’t help out around the house? Or is your anger coming from someplace else, like work or a friendship? Once you’ve pinpointed the cause, try talking to your partner and explaining how you feel. Simply getting whatever is bothering you out into the open will allow you to start feeling better immediately.

Sex Drive Stealer #3: Being a perfectionist
When your other half is in the mood, you can’t help but worry about all the things you have to do. You need to shower, you have to get the kids ready for school and you have to put a wash on etc. According to relationship experts, if this sounds familiar, you could be a perfectionist. Perfectionists believe that their environment must be perfect before they can enjoy themselves.

Fix the problem by: Simply switch your goal from worrying about all the things you have to do to enjoying time with your partner instead. Is it really the end of the world if you don’t get all the ironing done tonight?

Try to forget about everything else and focus on enjoying the time with your partner

Sex Drive Stealer #4: The Recession
Financial worries can have a seriously negative impact on your sex drive. If you’ve been stressed out with money, thoughts of losing your job or the fact that you don’t have any savings this could be messing with your libido.

Fix the problem by: These are serious worries to have and if you can’t make them go away, simply set time aside to think about them. Ban yourself from speaking about your worries in the bedroom and instead allow yourself five minutes a day to fret. It sounds weird but according to psychologists, scheduling time to worry actually decreases your anxieties in the long term.

Sex Drive Stealer #5: A lack of date nights
If you don’t have a date night planned with your other half and if you can’t remember the last time the two of you went out together, then this could be having an impact on your sex drive. Date nights are important because they help you to strengthen your connection with your partner. Because date nights are all about spending time together, the focus is to bond emotionally rather than physically.

Fix the problem by: Scheduling a date night as soon as possible. Ask him to make reservations at your favourite restaurant or ask him if he wants to go see that film with you. Try to get out of the house at least once and week and watch your sex life get back on track.