Yankee Candles are everywhere.
No house is fully furnished without at least one glorious smelling candle.
I’ve found that the scents are sometimes quite limited. There’s definitely a market for the Yankee Candle people to broaden their selection, although that would take quite a bit of time and research.
So, I’m available for freelance candle scent consultation and will present my findings below.
A Mother’s Disappointment
What better way to freshen up a room than with your Mother’s disapproving looks (and smell)? It’ll bring back some wonderful feelings of nostalgia and remind you of home. When the candle runs out, it means you have finally stopped disappointing your mother. Congratulations.
Skipping P.E.
God be with the days where you’d skip P.E. and get an enormous thrill out of doing so. Male teachers filled with terror as you explained how it was your time of the month. Fill your house with the reminiscent smell of loitering for the delightful price of €26.99.
Tayto
Nothing would smell sweeter than burning crisps. Tayto crisps are a gift from the Gods and they deserve to be immortalised in candle form. Alternatively, you could just sprinkle pieces of cheese and onion around your house to produce the same effect.
A Hug From Michael D Higgins
What’s better than getting a hug from the President Of Ireland? Nothing. But what’s second best? The smell of that hug. For some reason, Michael D Higgins just seems as though he smells like Werther’s Original, mint and Grandad. Dreamy.
Dublin Bus
The smell of people and their soft shitty bodies being put into a scent is long overdue. Sitting at home, relaxing on the weekend? Transport yourself to an uncomfortable and dissatisfying place instantly with the Dublin Bus Yankee Candle.
Mass
Absolve your sins of not going to mass by recreating the atmosphere right from the comfort of your home. The fragrance combines the smell of people, rosary beads and communion. Mmmmm, delicious.
