In this weekly feature, Her.ie goes behind enemy lines to see what it’s really like to be single in Ireland.
From speed dating to making speedy escapes, our no-holds-barred blog will follow our attempts to venture into the dating jungle, play the field and share any wisdom that we finds along the way.
Week Thirty-Four: Dine And Dash
Ladies, dating is a delicate process.
While we would love to think that rolling out of bed, throwing caution to the wind and doing whatever we damn well please will lead us to a whirlwind romance with a fine specimen of a man, recent events would suggest otherwise.
Being strong, independent women, we would never advocate changing your personality to bag any man but we have learned that being a slightly more together version of yourself can be helpful in this regard.
I’d imagine at this point you’re probably thinking ‘What in the name of God is she talking about?’ so I have a cautionary tale to illustrate my point.
You may remember my friend Gráinne from a while back. She’s the very classy lady who pulled a fella in the chipper on the way home from a gig and had to check his post the following morning to find out his name (you can catch up here). She’s also an absolute legend.
Anyways, Grá was out on the town last week and happened to bump into a fella that she had encountered through work a little while previously.
While she had remained professional as always, his charms had not been lost on our leading lady and she may have slipped into a daydream or two about what she might get up to with him in the boardroom if there was nobody around.
She couldn’t believe her luck as spotted Mr Handsome across the bar with some mutual friends and before long, they were chatting away and having a great night.
As the hours passed, the group became smaller and smaller and Grá was definitely picking up some flirty vibes from the man across the table… so when he suggested that they head on something else, she happily agreed.
Finally, they were alone and as he slipped his hand around her waist, she silently thanked the gods at ASOS for the black dress that she was convinced had sealed the deal.
Never one to look a gift horse (or devastatingly attractive man) in the mouth, she invited him back to her place but this is where things went slightly awry.
Too many vodkas had been consumed on an empty stomach and as soon as the air hit, our Gráinne’s last semblence of self-control and poise disappeared.
On arriving back at the flat, she realised she was absolutely starving and despite her guest’s protestations that he was fine, she insisted on cooking two burgers for them.
But as she channelled her inner Nigella Lawson, tiredness set in and Grá began to resemble an auld fella propping up at the bar at closing time more than a glamourous TV chef.
She made her excuses and popped to her room to freshen up, leaving her beau waiting eagerly on the couch.
And then… nothing.
Gráinne awoke the following morning, fully clothed and asleep on her duvet… with the slow realisation that she had left one of the more beautiful creatures she had managed to pull in ages sitting alone in her apartment when he thought he was on a promise.
As she crawled to the sitting room, she couldn’t decide if it was better that he had stayed or left but was a bit relieved when she saw the couch empty… our Gráinne’s a good looking girl but her ‘woke up like this’ panda eyes and helmet hair would strike fear into most children (and grown men).
Mortified.
Once she had checked that the kitchen hadn’t burnt down, she went back to bed and tortured herself by imagining how long he may have stayed before realising that she wasn’t coming back.
Then… her phone went off….’Mr Ridiculously Handsome Man has followed you on Twitter’.
She snapped it shut. There was no way she could follow him back, he might DM her and it would be really awkward.
He didn’t have her number so she’d just pretend that it never happened and ignore him if she saw him in the street.
Childish? Maybe. But she was up to her neck in The Fear and could not handle this right now.
In the end, he emailed her on her work email to apologise for not locking the door when he left and was very gentlemanly about the whole thing.
And Gráinne has learned two valuable lessons… take it handy on the vodkas if there’s a hot man in attendance and if you manage to get a hottie back to your apartment, don’t go to bed until he’s going with you.
Or, you could end up like this…
@Herdotie possible result of endless amounts of #shiftyfirstdates ….#foreveralone #idontevenlikecats pic.twitter.com/CC3a2wJbaV
— Megan Murray (@Megan_d_Murray) October 2, 2014
We want to hear your dating stories! Email us at [email protected] or tweet us @Herdotie with the #shiftyfirstdates.
