In this weekly feature, Her.ie goes behind enemy lines to see what it’s really like to be single in Ireland.
From speed dating to making speedy escapes, our no-holds-barred blog will follow our attempts to venture into the dating jungle, play the field and share any wisdom that we finds along the way.
Week Thirty-One: False Start
Many of Hollywood’s offerings revolve in some way around a lovesick woman who is left devastated when the object of her affections is ‘just not that into her’ but the fact is that, a lot of the time, it’s the other way around.
Even those of us hoping to find a suitable gent with whom to start a relationship can fall foul to that horrible situation where you can’t find anything particularly wrong with the guy you’re dating but you just can’t seem to get that excited about it either.
The development of Tinder and online dating have definitely made it easier to get out there and meet members of the opposite sex but having a string of dodgy dates can lower a girl’s standards and encourage you to entertain someone who is genuinely a nice guy but doesn’t exactly set your world on fire.
This was the case for one of our readers, who sent in her tale of a budding romance that stopped dead before it began.
“Tinder. Yeah. Tinder. I have always had my doubts about it but after being single for nearly a year, I decided to give it a go as so many of my friends were using it too. After a while, I got a few matches and one in particular caught my eye. He was very chatty, very interesting and looked damn good in his pictures.
We were talking on Tinder nearly every day for two weeks and on paper he seemed great: worked for Google, was Scottish and very charming. After a while, I pushed for us to talk on Whatsapp instead of Tinder and finally, we arranged to meet for a date.
This terrified me. I had never done this before. I was COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone. Heeeeeelp.
Date One.
Making sure I was in my skinny jeans and heels, I met him at a mutual spot in the city and he took me for cocktails. Instantly I was attracted to him. Very sweet, chatty and funny. But we were both nervous wrecks, so cocktails were definitely needed. Four whiskeys in, things were getting very flirty. Hands on knees, hands on waist. Yup. He then asked me to his friend’s party and I thought ‘why the hell not’? At the party, a few kisses were had and I went home feeling great about the date.
Date Two.
Because I was busy with exams, we didn’t see each other for a few weeks but continued to text often. When my exams finished, he invited me over to his and made me dinner. After dinner, there was a lot of holding hands and kissing and I thought ‘Ok hold on, we might be moving a TAD bit fast here’. We were acting like a long term couple but I just went with it and when it came time for me to leave, he asked me to stay over. And I did.
I know. Second date and already stayed over. Quite fast. Not to mention it’s probably not the safest idea I’ve ever had. But I stayed over.
The next day, I headed off to college, he headed off to work and we didn’t see each other for another two weeks. Then it hit me. Anxiety. And panic. I did like him. But I felt we were moving waaaay too fast. So I backed off a little. Less texting, less interaction and less interest in seeing him again. Eventually, we met up for a third date.
Date Three.
This was the make or break for me. It all came down to this date. Either I would continue seeing him or I would realise I don’t feel the same way and cut things off. We went to the cinema and for dinner and despite myself, I was completely stand-offish, with arms folded and giving him a friend-zone attitude. I knew as soon as the date started, I was uncomfortable. Little things about him started to annoy me, and as the date lagged on, I concluded that he just wasn’t my type.
Yes we had a bit of chemistry, but he was not my type. We said our goodbyes and after a few days, we stopped texting. I think he knew from my behaviour that I just wasn’t into it. I got the third date itch! Make or break. And I broke.
I am glad I put myself out there on tinder, but I won’t be doing it again anytime soon. Meeting guys in a normal pub setting works better for me!”
If you’re still on the fence as to whether you’re ‘just not that into him’, consult our checklist of the top ten signs that you’re dating Mr Mediocre here.
A few may look familiar!
We want to hear your dating stories! Good or bad, email us at [email protected] or Tweet us @herdotie with the #shiftyfirstdates.
