In a new weekly feature, Her.ie goes behind enemy lines to see what it’s really like to be single in Ireland.
From speed dating to making speedy escapes, our no-holds-barred blog will follow one girl’s attempts to venture into the dating jungle, play the field and share any wisdom that she finds along the way.
Week Seventeen: No Holds Barred
One of the major reservations that many people have with using internet dating or apps such as Tinder is that they are associated with people looking for one night stands… mainly sleazy guys.
While my own experiences and those of our readers over the last few months have proven that there is definitely more to it than that, this week has definitely shown the seedier side of meeting people so easily.
Having taken a bit of Tinder break over the past few weeks (mostly due to a few off-line excursions!), I decided to amuse myself one evening by returning to the fold and struck up a chat with a seemingly nice guy.
We exchanged several messages and engaged in innocent chit-chat about our daily lives, including a discussion on a birthday present that he was planning to buy for his sister. Without any warning signs to hand, I obliged when he asked for my number but it seems that, for some people, this is some kind of unofficial signal to take things to a different level.
Within minutes of taking the conversation to Viber, the tone began to drift in a very different direction and his ‘how was your day?’ messages suddenly morphed into asking me to describe my best assets.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with a bit of suggestive texting now and then but this blatant and, frankly quite pathetic, attempt was not working for me.
When I informed him that I wasn’t interesting in his line of questioning, I received a curt reply saying ‘Fair enough. Don’t think there’s much point in us talking anymore so’. Classy.
While my ego may have taken a hit at being mistaken for a €1.50 a minute phone line, I quickly learned that I was not alone.
I received a message just days later from a friend of mine who had recently joined Plenty of Fish after getting bored of sitting in of a Saturday night. Delighted that she was putting herself out there, I eagerly awaited an update but when it came, it was certainly not a glowing report.
“Ok. It’s actually horrible. I give up after 24 hours,” she fumed. “Will sleep on it but the only nice guy from chats today just sent me a horrible message saying ‘If I f*k you real gud, will you make an exception? I kind of give up already.”
Even aside from the horrible grammar, it’s not exactly a seduction worthy of James Bond.
In an age when you can get everything from a pizza to a mail order bride delivered to your door, is it really old fashioned to at least expect to know somebody’s second name before they start asking for your vital statistics? Oh for the days of love letters and gentlemanly conduct!
With both me and my friend both despairing for humanity, we were in need of some inspiration and in the nick of time, this lovely email arrived in my inbox from a reader called James – who decided to give us a guy’s perspective on POF.
Take it away, James…
“My name is James and I’m 22. I moved to Dublin over two years ago for a girl I believed I loved so dearly and she loved me back. However, this wasn’t the case! After a pretty much all expenses paid (by me!) trip to Venice, I got a text while visiting family upon our return to Dublin to inform me that we “needed a break”.
So yeah, I was heartbroken and just wasn’t up for it the whole relationship thing after that. I kind of gave up but then a few mates said ‘pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back out there’.
I did and started with speed dating. Let me tell you, I think it’s one of the best environments to meet people. Everyone is like minded so the tension is eased and I made good friends from it.
Ok, so getting to POF. I have heard horror stories from both sides of the pond, from sleazy guys to stuck-up girls. I jumped into the pond and went on many dates – coffees, crazy golf, walks and anything in between. However, some of the people I met weren’t the people in their photos… talk about false advertising. I am not that shallow to base a relationship on looks but at least be honest.
As I was about to give up on POF, I saw a pic of a girl snowboarding so we swapped witty banter, found that we shared similar interests and agreed to meet for coffee. We just hit it off. We went for a walk after coffee, got gelato and then dropped her home. Unsure of what was to come next, I was delighted when she called me the following day and asked me to go to a concert with her. I didn’t decline and had an awesome night. We have our holidays booked for a snowboarding trip in the new year and she has opened my eyes to the fact that not all people are the same and they can just be kind, genuine and honest.
I wish you and all your readers the very best :-)”
PS: I encouraged my friend to stay with the site for a few more days and she has since been chatting to two very promising suitors – will give you an update next week!
We want to hear your dating stories! Email [email protected] or tweet us @Herdotie with the #shiftyfirstdates hashtag.
