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8th November 2015
10:00am GMT

It transpired that Gráinne had stopped for chips on the way home and somehow managed to end up in bed with a fella who had also had a craving for a durty cheeseburger. Suffering temporary amnesia the following morning, she wandered back from the toilet wracking her brains for her paramour’s name but to no avail. Seeing a stack of post inside the door, she quickly let out a sigh of relief but it was short-lived, as there were letters to both ‘Larry’ and ‘Keith’. The former sparked some recognition so she trotted back in and had the banter with her mystery man.
Unfortunately, her 50/50 gamble went down like a donkey in the Grand National, as Himself called out to his flatmate ‘Larry, there’s a girl here looking for you!’. While he took it in good humour, Gráinne could handle no more humiliation and made a quick exit!
Meanwhile, halfway through my hungover breakfast, I got a Twitter message from a fella who my addled-brain instantly recognised as VCG.
It read like this: “Hey, it’s VCG from last night. Listen I was just wondering if you brought my jacket home last night? No worries if you did, it’s just that I really need it. My keys are in it!’
Yup, I had just left a very promising guy homeless in Dublin…and probably very cold as well. Ground. Swallow. Me. Now.
Long story short, I arranged to come face to face with VCG to return his jacket and make several profuse apologies for behaviour the night before. With a face as red as Satan’s rear end, I admitted that I hadn’t a clue what had transpired the night and he explained that he had gone to the toilet and returned to find that not only had I disappeared but also had his jacket. MORTO.
As it turns out, VCG was a sound fella who instantly accepted my apologies, engaged in a little chat and even gave my mortally embarrassed self a hug before we parted ways but it’s fair to say that I had probably extinguished any spark that may have previously burned.
After a long weekend of self-loathing, I think we’ve just about recovered from our experiences but take our advice folks: Enjoy drink responsibly…if you don’t want to die alone!Explore more on these topics: