The New Year is a time for fresh starts, new horizons and clean-ish slates. Washed away are the mistakes of yester year and de-tagged are the photos of every horrendous party hour you thought was hilarious on the night that left you clicking through notifications in fear.
While most people spend time clearing out their wardrobe to make space for their new threads, what about all those friends lurking on your Facebook, or taking up space in your phonebook?
It might sound harsh, but we’ve all got to accept that the times they-are-a-changing. There’s nothing wrong with looking back on the past, once it doesn’t wreak havoc on your future.
Here are some friends who could probably get the chop (and won’t keep you up at night in fears of awkward run-ins):
The ‘Frenemy’
It still irks you that she scored 20 points higher in the Leaving Cert, and you can’t help but feel a little sense of justice that she’s sporting a few extra pounds since you left college. Let’s be honest, there’s always been a sense of competition between you two. No this doesn’t make you a horrible person, but it doesn’t make you a friend either.
We all have Facebook friends that we compete with, sometimes with a serious case of the FOMO, but a new year is a new you, and stalking profile pictures is a waste of your precious time. Defriend now before you start comparing her Christmas haul to the Penneys socks your aunt wrapped in her finest recycled festive paper.
The ‘Facebook is my Diary’ Friend
Yes, they’re heartbroken, and yes one of their bffs probably acted out of line but here’s a fact of life commonly forgotten online- Facebook is NOT a diary. Reading status updates from a hormonal girl typing cryptic rants is like playing a murder mystery game where you wish you’d been the victim. If she’s a melodrama a minute, do yourself the favour and remove her from the friends list.
If you were really friends, you’d be on the phone consoling her over said ex-heartbreaker. Not trying to work out her cryptic hints.
Otherwise brace yourself for the front row seats to the new couple shots of her and the ‘bestest babes’ boyfriend eating face that she’ll no doubt be posting two months later when she’s over her initial heartache.
The ‘We’re Still Friends’ Ex
He thought you’d be better as friends, you ate your way through a selection box blaring Celine Dion while sobbing into your pillow. Fast forward a few months and he’s messaging you to see how you’re getting on and hey, fancy catching a coffee? (As friends of course)
Delete that boy and step away from the keyboard.
Trust us, you’ll be thankful when you’re in bed sleeping off the hangover from a great night out with the girls when you could’ve been the real life replica of Bridget Jones- granny pants and all.
The Bad Influence Friend
Trying to stick to your new diet? She’s the friend who invites you around and lands a slice of chocolate cake in your lap. Abstaining from alcohol? Look who just bought you a shot. Sometimes a friend is a saboteur without realising what she’s doing. Sometimes she’s got a streak of envy or knows how to play on your willpower. Take her aside for a serious chat, and if she’s still not playing ball?
It’s probably time she got blocked. Or at least hidden from your newsfeed.
The Back-Handed Compliment Giver
We all have family members who THINK they’re giving you a compliment. We’ll ignore the fact that you’re more likely to want to stick pins in your eyes after one of their pep talks. Being told “the weight looks good on you” or “how’d you manage to get a job like that?” is about as tactful as asking if Santa skipped on the gym membership.
They don’t need access to your daily updates, your pictures tagged online, or to be the first one to leave a comment when you’re no longer “in a relationship”. You’re moving on, and they can too, thanks very much.
Your Total Bestie From That J1/Interrailing/ Erasmus Year That You Haven’t Spoken To In YEARS
Yes you bonded over hangovers and a diet of ramen noodles, but he’s engaged and you didn’t even know he was living in Australia? That girl from your Introduction to Spanish class is now a mum of two and you can’t say if they’re girls, boys or hazard a guess at their names.
If you feel it’s a bit harsh, maybe just block from your newsfeed, but chances are they won’t even notice you’re not friends any more. Make the cut, and free up that Timeline for friends who you actually meet on a daily basis.
The One-Up On EVERYTHING Friend
Nailed a job interview? She did it better. Had a hot date? Her guy was not only drop-dead gorgeous but a multi-millionaire. Passed your driving test on the first go? Chances are she didn’t even have to sit hers. She was born behind the wheel. She has the knack for making you feel that little less accomplished…
Exaggerating gets exhausting, and the only competition you need is the battle with yourself to make that bus in the morning. Trim that hot air from your contact details before you lose your cool.
