‘The Washing Machine’ – The 7 Types Of First Kiss We’d All Rather Forget

Everyone remembers their first kiss.

For some it was a momentous and joyous occasion, but for the majority of us, it was just plain awful and one we’d rather forget.

With the help of household appliances we have divided the defining life experience that was, the first kiss, in to sections to help us recreate that special moment for you.

What category did your first kiss fall in to?

 

The Washing Machine

 

Tongue in mouth, just as the clothes go in to the machine. Close the machine door. Power on. And the tongue begins the same circular motion that the machine would make. And continues in that circular motion until, oh wait, what’s this, and changes direction.

 

The Hoover

Alright there Henry, take a day off…

This guy definitely had mastered the art of s(ed)uction and was under the belief that inhaling half of your face was how to kiss. 

 

The Grater

Aw, the early bloomer. He was sporting facial fluff well before any of his peers, and had the making of a healthy 5 O’ Clock shadow by his teens.  He just didn’t realise that moving his head from side to side constantly and colliding with your face was a similar experience that a block of cheese has and it glides along a grater. Beard rash.

 

The Tongs

This fella was dangerous. He was fond of biting, but not the good kind. Although we’re sure he’s had a bit of practice over the years and perfected this method of smooching, but back in the day, he left his mark. Literally.

 

The Microwave

A strange one, this was the lad who made a weird humming noise after going in for the kill.  And continued to do so until your lips unlocked.

 

Dry Duster

This poor chap just didn’t get the ‘saliva swapping’ memo. Everyone knows you need a bit of polish to dust properly, and the same goes for smooching. Dry kissing is just awkward and extremely unpleasant. 

 

The Wet Mop

This was the kisser who can be compared to those annoying people that don’t wring a mop out before they started cleaning the floor, resulting in the place ending up a wet mess… That’s the exact same thing that happened your face, a sloppy, saliva mess.