Totally Clueless – Her.ie Goes Back to College: You’re Mad, They Said…

In a new weekly feature, recent Her.ie recruit Mary is sharing her journey through the very grown-up world of juggling a career with further education. Looking back over her first semester and forward to a thesis, Mary is learning some lessons along the way about time management, the trials of being a born crammer, the importance of sharing the stressful moments... and the reason why "mature student" is probably an oxymoron. _________________________________________ Go Back to College, They Said – You're Mad, They Said We’re so close to the end now I can almost taste it. There’s a massive group presentation tonight, the second last one of the year, and once that’s over, we’ll really be on the home straight. I’m not sure how to deal with the emotions around this though. I’ve been banging my head off a brick wall for the last number of months as you all know, trying to juggle work, college and well, life in general. Now though, we’re going to be let loose on our own into the big bad world of self-discipline and doing a thesis and well… it’s kind of scary. I know I’m skipping too far ahead. I still have another group presentation to go and about four more assignments – though knowing me there’s probably more and I just don’t know about them! Add exams on to the end of that and I really shouldn’t be looking past next week at some point, but as a form of distraction, I enjoy scaring the bejaysus out of myself every so often about things in the future. To say I get a bit of pleasure from worrying unnecessarily would be a slight understatement if I ever heard one, but there’s no craic in just worrying about that presentation tonight (which, quelle surprise, I still haven’t finished my part for). But if anything, despite the exhaustion and being close to tears most days of the week as I’m just well and truly worn out, I’m still learning. And I don’t just mean in an educational sense, though this course has opened up a whole new world to me, but also in the personal sense. Despite all the curses and hateful thoughts that have been emanating from my mind of late about the workload, I’ve realized something – I’m strong enough to cope with it. And through that strength comes a realization. That even if I don’t get a first class honour or a 2.1 or whatever grade I’ll inevitably be happy with – there is already a burgeoning satisfaction inside me. Not with a job well done, as I really can’t say I’ve been able to do my best on this course with everything else going on (disappointing as my mammy might find that), but I have tried to do my best. And when all the chips were down, when the work load seemed like a never-ending Everest that encroached on every horizon, I ploughed on. And I’m still here, plugging away. There – that’s the satisfaction I mean. For all the people who thought I wouldn’t be able to get this far, who thought I was cracked to be doing the course or who wondered why on earth I would bother: I salute you – with a Cheshire cat-like smug smile. Howaya lads, I’m nearly there.