We're Judging Books By Their Covers Because We Don't Give A F**k
Books, am I right?
I am sick of being told not to judge a book by its cover. I am a rogue vagabond who simply cannot be tamed. I'll judge a book by its cover and a cover by its book. IDGAF.
Strap yourself in, it's about to get wild.
Star Sand by Roger Pulvers
This tells the tragic tale of a woman who has no shoes. Sadly, her shoes were stolen from her locker at the local swimming pool. They were specially made because she has irregularly shaped feet (8 toes on each foot - 16 in total). It's an expensive process to get shoes specially made and she can't afford to get another pair at the moment. The only place she feels at home being barefoot is on the beach, although the water reminds her of the swimming pool, where all her problems sadly came about. It has a happy ending as a pair of shoes in her exact size are dropped from a plane overhead via parachute. She never finds out who sent them.
Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld
Your childhood fears will come true when you read this book, as it tells the story of a girl whose life was changed forever by a sudden and expected gust of wind. Despite her mother's stern warnings, Petunia was pulling faces as she took selfies in the back garden one Spring afternoon. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a freak gust of wind struck her beautiful face and left her pout frozen in place. Chaos ensues as she's forced to adapt to her new life. All forms of her photographic ID need to be changed as Petunia is no longer recognised as the girl she used to be. Will she overcome these challenges? You'll have to read to not find out.
My Guardian (Bewitched And Bewildered) by Alanea Alder
Prepare to be gripped by the most gripping novel since 'The Grip' by John Fakesurname. This book is an emotional rollercoaster. Derek was born with SBS (Stunning Back Syndrome), which means he has an extremely stunning back. What's the problem with that? Everything. Women see his stunning back and refuse to give his personality a chance. "My eyes are up here", he frequently has to say. Will anyone ever see Derek for the kind, sensitive and funny guy he is? Or will they continue to dismiss his personality altogether because they are relentlessly distracted by how stunning his back is? That'd be telling ;)
The Billionaire's Voice by J.S. Scott
Get the tissues ready because you're about to bawl your lamps out with this timeless piece of literature. Two flowers fall in love and let's just say it doesn't take long before they're sharing a bed ;) Things seem almost too good to be true and that's because they are. Not long after their engagement, it comes to light that one of the flowers is actually a weed. Can they put their differences aside and work things out? Does love actually conquer all? Does an engagement ring that's small enough to fit around a flower stem actually exist? Judging by this cover, no.
How it Works: The Dad (Ladybirds for Grown-Ups) by Jason Hazeley and Joel Morris
What begins as a light-hearted tale about the wonderful relationship between a father and son, soon takes on a different tone. This Dad is obsessed with wood and will stop at nothing to successfully obtain all the wood in the world. His son is in a very awkward position as he is deeply afraid of splinters, but risks being acquainted with his fears every day to support his father's dreams. They live in a treehouse and spend their evenings stealing wood from anywhere they can get it. Scum. Not to spoil the assumed ending for you, but it involves a very disturbing scene with a certain character from Toy Story.
An orphaned young wizard is summoned by an owl to go to a special school for people with magical powers. Along the way, he encounters many people, both good and evil. He manages to control his powers and use them to defeat a very powerful and evil being, with the help of his magical friends. The end.