The Irish for Justin Bieber is probably Siustín Beibéar.
As we know, the Biebs is in town and with that, he’s brought all of his notions in tow. I’m not interested in how many stewards he’s spat at, or how he refused to thank the man in the bathroom that handed him a tissue. I want to know what this little scut is demanding before his shows.
Like a gift from the Gods, I received an anonymous email earlier this morning that details everything that Justin has put on his tour rider. I am choosing to believe this as real because the email address was [email protected].
Here’s what we believe to be on Justin Bieber’s rider.
- 5 crates of assorted fancy minerals (excluding Cidona) with the barcodes containing even numbers only
- 48 cans of Dutch Gold – strictly room temperature
- 1 novelty sized giant strawberry Yop for photo opportunity
- Multipack of Wheelies
- Framed photograph of Selena Gomez with speech bubble saying ‘I miss you Justin x’
- Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp’s Adventure on DVD – all scenes with Lady to be cut out
- Security guards are only to be wearing 100% cotton and primary colours
- Selection of CDs by Phil Coulter, Six, Laura Izibor and Rachel Adedeji
- Looped video of The Happy Pear twins lip syncing to Bon Jovi
- 2 packets of Easy Singles cheese pre-opened
- Staff member appointed to repeatedly tell the artist that he is the best boy
- 1 very soft and fluffy hamster, fond of cuddles and answers to the name ‘Selena I want you back’
- Dart board with a photograph of Orlando Bloom on the bullseye
- Scented candles – Hazelnut, vanilla, cinnamon, cherry and rotting flesh
- 6 pack of Frubes (NO apricot ones)
- Ice sculpture of the original formation of One Direction, complete with chisel for carving
- 17 towels with the Canadian flag on them
- Exactly 1,862 dry roasted peanuts separated into cups of 78 at a time
- Framed and signed photograph of Bella from Fair City
- 1 naggin of vodka decanted into a sandwich bag so the artist can stuff it down his knickers to sneak through security
Unedited lead image via Ask Men
