It's common knowledge that anyone without a symmetrical face is garbage.
You can't be a celebrity unless you have a symmetrical face, that is a rule that appears in the World Rules Book, I have checked. Nobody would think twice about purchasing your album or attending your concert if you look like a Picasso painting, because we are all shallow degenerates.
I really feel for the few celebrities that haven't got perfectly symmetrical faces, so I've devoted some time to fixing them. You're welcome, celebs.
Symmetrical Dr. Phil looks like the guidance counsellor that tried to convince everyone to get into teaching because that's where all the jobs were.
Symmetrical Martine McCutcheon looks like your friend's Mam who always has a glass of wine with you during pre-drinks because she considers herself one of the gang.
Symmetrical Ryan Gosling looks like the lad that wears jeans and brown shoes on a night out and refuses to shift anyone because he's selfishly had a girlfriend for the past 21 years.
Symmetrical Will Smith looks like the full forward on the local rugby team, who once got in trouble with the Gardaí but won't tell anyone what happened.
Symmetrical Dean Gaffney looks like a rambunctious youth that guzzles cans of coke on the bus at 8.30am, on the way to his scheduled appointment to loiter outside a shop.
Symmetrical Ed Sheeran looks like the guy that tells you to cheer up when you're caught not smiling in any social situation, then asks for your number.
Symmetrical Harry Styles looks like the lad from home that went out with a beauty blogger for ten minutes and was photographed and put on an Irish gals' website as a result.
Symmetrical Daniel O'Donnell looks like a Government minister that reduced the cost of petrol for a week in 1996 and hasn't let anyone forget about it since.
Symmetrical Michael D. Higgins looks like the local priest that is always out of breath for some reason, but does a very quick mass of a Sunday morning and always drops a sporting reference in the gospel.
That’s Academy Award Winner Jessie Buckley to you Hamnet star Jessie Buckley has made history by becoming the first Irish woman to win Best Actress at the Oscars. In an award-season sweepstake, the Kerry-born actress took home the Best Actress Oscar for her role in Hamnet. In a charming acceptance speech, Buckley dedicated her award […]
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It can be a difficult day for the Friends star Jennifer Aniston has revealed that Adam Sandler sends her flowers on Mother’s Day every year, providing further proof that he’s a very lovely guy. The Friends star revealed Sandler’s thoughtful gesture in an interview with the Wall Street Journal. Aniston is not a mother, and […]
