It’s common knowledge that anyone without a symmetrical face is garbage.
You can’t be a celebrity unless you have a symmetrical face, that is a rule that appears in the World Rules Book, I have checked. Nobody would think twice about purchasing your album or attending your concert if you look like a Picasso painting, because we are all shallow degenerates.
I really feel for the few celebrities that haven’t got perfectly symmetrical faces, so I’ve devoted some time to fixing them. You’re welcome, celebs.
Symmetrical Dr. Phil looks like the guidance counsellor that tried to convince everyone to get into teaching because that’s where all the jobs were.
Doctor On Demand
Symmetrical Martine McCutcheon looks like your friend’s Mam who always has a glass of wine with you during pre-drinks because she considers herself one of the gang.
Ethnic Celebs
Symmetrical Ryan Gosling looks like the lad that wears jeans and brown shoes on a night out and refuses to shift anyone because he’s selfishly had a girlfriend for the past 21 years.
CNN
Symmetrical Will Smith looks like the full forward on the local rugby team, who once got in trouble with the Gardaí but won’t tell anyone what happened.
Gold Derby
Symmetrical Dean Gaffney looks like a rambunctious youth that guzzles cans of coke on the bus at 8.30am, on the way to his scheduled appointment to loiter outside a shop.
Metro
Symmetrical Ed Sheeran looks like the guy that tells you to cheer up when you’re caught not smiling in any social situation, then asks for your number.
Independent
Symmetrical Harry Styles looks like the lad from home that went out with a beauty blogger for ten minutes and was photographed and put on an Irish gals’ website as a result.
Celebrity Inside
Symmetrical Michelle Obama looks like your Mam’s friend who she’s very nice to in person but bitches the back off her at home.
Huffington Post
Symmetrical Daniel O’Donnell looks like a Government minister that reduced the cost of petrol for a week in 1996 and hasn’t let anyone forget about it since.
Express
Symmetrical Michael D. Higgins looks like the local priest that is always out of breath for some reason, but does a very quick mass of a Sunday morning and always drops a sporting reference in the gospel.
NUI Galway
