The Netflix binge is a cruel mistress, as intoxicating and addictive as a cheese bender.
In fact bring the two together – Cheese bender while on a Netflix binge – and you’ve got yourself a pretty epic weekend right there.
Here’re 10 things that happen during a Netflix Binge:
You pretend you’re only going to watch one
Ha.
Three episodes in, start calculating the absolute minimum sleep you need tonight to function at a basic level tomorrow
“If I do four more episodes, I can get to sleep by 4 am, which still leaves me four hours to sleep, get dressed, have breakfast, watch one more episode and then get to work.”
Start to feel judged by Netflix every time it asks you “Are you still watching?”
“Back off Netflix, you divine temptress, maybe I wouldn’t still be watching if you weren’t such a pusher, lining up each new episode just as I resolve to return to life. Ever think about that?”
Mastermind a menu of Netflix-appropriate snack foods that require minimum hand-to-eye coordination
Crisps, popcorn and biscuits are my recommendations, these are consumable without having to avert your gaze from the screen. Anything with cutlery is out and in my experience even sandwiches aren’t ideal due to condiment leakage. Dry snacks only.
Paranoia hits
Become unnervingly convinced that someone is watching you on your Netflix binge through your webcam. And it’s not a good angle.
Epiphany
After several hours come to the (hard to believe) realisation that there actually comes a point when lying slumped on the couch becomes uncomfortable.
Bed sores
Start to change your position every 2-3 hours to prevent bed sores. Didn’t even know you could get bed sores on a couch, did you? Well, you can thank Netflix for that.
Stop even taking it in
There comes a point, known as Peak-Binge, where you’re barely even watching anymore. You’re just lying in a catatonic state while images and dialogue wash over you. You know you’re wasting a quality series but at this point just consuming it and getting to the end is all that matters as you grimly power through each episode just to get to the next.
Try to ignore the growing fear
Begin to feel anxious as you slowly but surely start to RUN. OUT. OF. EPISODES. At this stage, you’ve snapped out of the torpor and are now panicking about what you’ll fill your life with after this series.
Feel genuinely lost when the series is over
Ask everyone you know, “what will I watch next?” Cast around to fill that Fargo-shaped hole in your life, but notice that nothing quite measures up.
Main image via YouTube
