So we all know the romcom rules.
In a nutshell:
Quirky Girl is adorable but clumsy, has a great job at a woman’s magazine despite her apparent lack of competency and excessive falling down.
Quirky Girl meets Boy, Girl doesn’t like Boy, Girl thinks Boy’s goofy charm is deeply irritating.
Girl has Boyfriend who is entirely unsuitable, Girl’s Sarcastic Friend is the only one who can can see what a drip Boyfriend is.
Until Boyfriend does something unforgivable, now Girl starts to like Boy, montage ensues depicting adorable clumsy ice skating and hot beverages.
Things are looking up until something fairly random scuppers things eg. Boy lied about owning a dog in order to meet Girl and now she can’t trust him ever again. Ever.
Sad montage ensues involving Girl attempting to accomplish two-man jobs singlehandedly such as carrying a Christmas tree to her apartment while Boy attends a party with friends looking glum and ignoring the advances of Hot Girl.
All is not lost however, in the final act Boy makes a Grand Gesture that involves making a speech in front of the entire school or speak-singing the words to Styx’s power ballad Lady.
They kiss in the absolute lashing rain and end the film on one of the most epically sick in your mouth lines ever:
“Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed.”
Here’re 12 alt romcoms that won’t make you sick in your mouth…
Obvious Child
“I remember seeing a condom, I just don’t know what it did.”
Kissing Jessica Stein
Early Jon Hamm sighting…
“Whenever I think about lesbianism, I just think ‘Ewwww’.”
– Jennifer Westfeldt may be the worst celluloid lesbian ever.
Celeste and Jesse Forever
Rashida Jones and Andy Samberg are beyond adorbs in this romcom about a divorcing couple who are still BFs. Rashida Jones’ reaction to the break up is the single most true to life response ever to make it into a movie. Honourable Mench to Elijah Wood’s brilliant wingman role.
“If you ever need someone to hold you and caress you, I think I could be that guy.”
“No.”
Trainwreck
Two words: Tilda Swinton.
“You dress him like that so no ones else wants to have sex with him? That’s cool.”
In a World
Watch this immediately if you haven’t already, it is an absolute treat.
“Nowadays they’re flying planes and they’re taking our jobs.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZHBjLFu5is
Annie Hall
Paul Simon is IN this movie. It’s so cool. And Shelley Duvall. And Christopher Walken, And pretty much everyone else who was cool in the 70s.
“What you do, grow up in a Norman Rockwell painting?”
Safety Not Guaranteed
It’s a time travel romcom with mumblecore heartthrob, Mark Duplass and if all that sounds like a contradiction in terms, that’s because it is.
“Okay give me the lesbian and the Indian and we’ve got a story.”
Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion
The original Ho-mance, we will love you forever Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow.
“Well, who lost their virginity first?”
“Oh big wow with your cousin Barry, I wouldn’t brag about it.”
Bridesmaids
“Help me I’m poor.”
Drinking Buddies
Olivia Wilde is that unnerving platonic hot girl friend that every guy has. In fairness Anna Kendrick keeps it together and doesn’t go full bitch fight on it thus making Drinking Buddies a fun off kilter romcom.
“Let’s get weird.”
Ira and Abby
“If you ever need a quicky divorce, I’m your man.”
HappyThankYouMorePlease
Josh Radner + Zoe Kazan = Alt RomCom Heaven.
“Can we stop running, I’m almost thirty.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sG3qBqtX50o
