In 2002, the world changed forever.
Ireland ditched the pound. Toby Maguire stunned us all with his spidey-skills. Nickelback’s How You Remind Me topped the charts.
It was a time of chaotic seismic shifts, and yet, none of the above even came close to being even half as impactful, influential, and simply significant as ITV’s Footballers’ Wives.
A show of deceit, deception, and unnecessary deaths, the programme combined everybody’s favourite things to give out about from the early 2000s era – WAGs, the new rich, and low-rise jeans.
There was also a lot of sex. Too much sex for our prepubescent minds to comprehend when we accidentally watched an entire omnibus of the show when our parents were out of the gaff on a Saturday night.
Basically Footballers’ Wives was the greatest thing to ever grace our TV screens/unassuming youthful eyes and something so perfect will never be successfully recreated during our time on this earth.
Here are a couple of reasons why:
1. We will never again be that obsessed with WAGs
Coleen Rooney. Cheryl Cole. Danielle Lloyd. The OG footballers’ wives, the influencers of the past.
Back in the day, just being married to a footballer was a big deal. You didn’t really have to do much else except go to their games and wear your hair super straight – people still adored you.
Or hated you, whichever.
Footballers’ Wives epitomised the obsession society had with WAGs, amped it up by about 200 percent, added a few stupid storylines about champagne murder weapons, and successfully gripped the nation.
They gave us what we wanted.
2. There was so much riding
So.
Much.
Riding.
Like, an incredible amount for 9pm on a Wednesday night.
3. The clothes were extremely ‘of the time’
Sorry, but just look at what these people are wearing.
Fascinators on a regular day out?
Under-boob frills??
Three white suits in one promo shot?!
They lost the run of themselves back in 2002 and there was nothing we could do to stop it.
4. Tanya Turner was the ultimate bitch
Remember when Tanya swapped her baby with Amber so her fella wouldn’t find out he wasn’t the father?
Or when Tanya scammed her way on to a private jet to have sex on it?
Or when Tanya fake tanned her baby so it wouldn’t look too white?
Or when Tanya hired a lookalike to take the blame after she was caught drug smuggling?
We will never see another like her again, lads.
5. Someone died by being ‘shagged to death’
Genuinely, shagged to death.
Honestly.
In the show’s third series, Tanya became aware that she was pregnant with Frank’s baby despite being with Conrad.
But instead of just owning up to it like a normal person, Tanya decided to shag Frank to death using a lethal combination of viagra, cocaine, and alcohol.
That series of Footballers’ Wives was the only one to be successfully nominated for a National Television Award.
Deserved.
