The Oscars are imminent.
There's a lot that's going to happen on the night. Based on the events of previous years, I have put together a list of what we can expect to see on the recap on Monday night, because nobody should stay up until an ungodly hour watching the show live.
Here's what'll happen.
1. Some gas bitch will do a Photobomb on the red carpet and everyone will lose their minds over how quirky and fun that person is.
2. A new couple will make their first public appearance together and we'll all begrudgingly applaud their collective beauty.
3. A revolutionary interviewer will make a very big fuss about not asking women the details of what they're wearing, which in itself highlights the unfair red carpet questioning between genders.
4. Chris Rock will make a joke about how overwhelmingly white the nominees are again this year.
5. Chris Rock will make a Bill Cosby joke.
6. Jennifer Lawrence will trip (on purpose) and we will fall right into her trap of thinking she's relatable.
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7. The entire world will be tweeting that this is finally Leo's year.
8. Eddie Redmayne's cheekbones will have someone's eye out.
9. A crude joke will be made at George Clooney's expense, but he will shrug it off with a cheeky wink at the camera.
10. Someone will make a very safe statement about a big problem facing the world at the moment, which will be received by rapturous applause and a standing ovation.
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11. Sacha Baron Cohen will present his category in character to promote his latest shambles of a movie.
12. Jacob Tremblay will steal our hearts by saying or doing something overwhelmingly adorable.
13. John Legend and Chrissy Teigen will once again prove themselves to be relationship goals.
14. Saoirse Ronan will ham up the Irish accent for her Best Actress acceptance speech, the divil.
15. Leonardo DiCaprio will be snubbed YET AGAIN and the internet will explode. Rightfully so.
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16. Somebody will catastrophically misprounce Alejandro González Iñárritu and he'll just shrug it off adorably.
17. Everyone will get up and go to the bathroom during the special effects and sound mixing awards.
18. Someone Irish will be described as British.
19. Someone will reference the people that used to bully them at school during their speech.
20. There'll be some reference to the selfie that they took at the Oscars two years ago.
21. The overall ceremony will run over time and multiple speeches will be cut short, thanks be to God, says you.
