Spotlight On: Between The Sheets – The Secret To A Brilliant Sex Life

Over the last number of months, we’ve certainly learned a thing or two about the wide range of contraceptives that are available on the market today. Now, we are going to continue our focus on health by studying a wide range of different illnesses and ailments. Last week, we focused on all things sex-related, this week we go under the covers with health expert, Professor Alessandra Graziottin to find out what really makes your sex life tick. __________________________________________ We caught up with internationally renowned Italy-based gynaecologist and medical sexologist Alessandra Graziottin in Dublin this week to talk about all things sex and the secrets to a healthy sex life. Alessandra, who tackles topics that are often seen as embarrassing and taboo, breaks down barriers for people to discuss these topics with their partner and/or doctor and inspires women everywhere to embrace their femininity and sexuality. “The basics of a long-lasting healthy and happy sex life?” Alessandra began. “First thing you must do is to take care of the fundamentals – starting with your body weight. “You can not think about body image and your body feelings inside this body if you are not fit,” she explained. “I recommend one hour brisk walking a day, you can do it at any moment, you don’t need to spend money at the gym, nor do you need any special equipment." Prof. Alessandra Grazziotin, Director of the Centre of Gynaecology and Medical Sexology in Milan.  “One hour of whatever sport you like or brisk walking every day, helps you to reduce up to 30% of the inflammatory molecules, as the fatter you are, the more inflamed you are. “These inflammatory molecules are released into the blood but more importantly, to the brain and cause neuro-inflammation and this is the biological basis of depression. If you exercise every day, your mood improves and we know that a good mood is the best friend of good love, because feeling sex drive is just the flower in the buttonhole of a good vital energy," she continued. “You are enthusiastic about life therefore you are enthusiastic about love. If you are depressed, you do not have good sex. “The dopamine released through exercise is very important too and for people who say they are too busy, with work, family and day-to-day life, there are exercises that you can do at home in your own time that will help your body, and help to tone up those areas so that you have body confidence." “If you exercise, you will become more confident in your body," she explained. "You will be happy to have sex and you will be more willing and eager to try different positions and enjoy sex. “Exercising improves your mood so much that it will improve everything going on around you – not just sex. The woman of the house sets the atmosphere of the home and the happier you are, the more relaxed your partner and/or your children will be. “The key thing for a happy sex life after marriage is not to forget your femininity. You might put on leggings and an old jumper to run around the house and that’s perfectly fine, but wear something that makes you feel charming – it might be a piece of jewellery, a pair of earrings, a scarf, something that makes you feel that bit special and charming no matter what you are doing. “Forget about junk food, cut out bread and carbohydrates and start to love your body. The second thing that helps you have a healthy and happy sex life is sleep. “Tiredness ruins good sex, so seven hours sleep per night is a must. I always respect that. Use your free time to catch up on sleep – if you are on a train or bus, bring a mask and cover your eyes and just sleep." She added that it is her belief that it is our right to have a happy and satisfying sexual intimacy – that it is not only the basis for personal happiness, but it is also essential for personal health.  In fact, she goes further to say that her personal belief is that the basis of a good family bonding and relationship is the sexual happiness in the parents. “For couples, the key to a good sex life after exercise and sleep is to keep one evening a week for romance. I would recommend that couples should go out dancing together once a week. “Marriage is hard and at the start, a good relationship begins with romance and friendship before it moves into a partnership. Once you are in partnership though, it is vital that you do not forget the first two – romance and friendship. Take your evening every week and do something fun together. “This evening is all about play. You are not allowed to talk about home, work or stressful things but instead, bring the romance back. Remind yourself of those early days when you were wildly in love. It’s all about passion and dance is often the key to that." “Let the music take over and just dance together. Dancing does not allow for much talking or worries and the two of you will have fun and romance will be back. “You need to find your beautiful self, and exercise, sleep and a good diet will help you to do that. As I said, dance can also help with this. I am a passionate woman and I remember going to a dance class and I was the worst at it. The teacher did not even want to look at me because I was so bad. “But you must remember, you can’t always be the first at everything – that dance class helped me to learn so much about myself and I improved and got better. I love dancing and I recommend that everyone should try it. “Finally, for the well-being of your body and your sex life, you should not smoke. In Ireland, the average age to have a baby is 31 years old. If you have been smoking since adolescence until your 30s, your ovaries are the same age as those of a 40 to 45 year old woman. "You have more risks during pregnancy, and smoking also brings on the menopause earlier. You are smoking yourself old,” she continued. "All these things combined can lead to a happy and passionate sex life." Alessandra, who was in Dublin for the public awareness campaign, Take Control, which aims to raise awareness for premature ejaculation (PE), also spoke to us about the affect of PE on women as up to one in five men suffer from the issue. “Premature ejaculation can have a serious impact on a couple’s relationship,” she explained. “41% of men turn to alcohol and 17% of men to drugs in order to help their performance anxiety. “This is extremely worrying and what men and women need to do is to take control of this issue. If we have a headache, we go to the doctor, if we experience pain during sex, we go to the doctor, but if someone is dealing with PE they don’t go. “PE affects the woman in the relationship too and it’s something that needs to be discussed out in the open and brought to your doctor or it will get worse.” Alessandra has also examined women’s attitudes to dealing with different sexual problems.  For example, she says that if a woman’s partner is suffering from PE, they tend to place the ‘blame’ on him – why doesn’t he care about me? Why does he let me down?. PE can leave women, not only becoming frustrated, but also aggressive towards the issue.  Interestingly, though, if a woman’s partner experiences erectile dysfunction (ED) women tend to look at it completely differently and place the ‘blame’ on themselves – what is wrong with me?  Why doesn’t he find me attractive?. “On top of that," she explained, "Another issue that is a big problem for women is reaching orgasm. Women ask me why they are not able to have an orgasm and I simply say, how confident are you at doing it for yourself? You need to know your own body and know what works for you. “If you experience pain during sex, you won’t orgasm as the pain will take over every other feeling. Go to the doctor – it is not okay to feel pain during sex. If you have had a baby, talk with your doctor about any pain you may have. Massage the area around your vagina after birth in order to improve the elasticity of the area. “Also, get your doctor to check your red blood count. A lot of women are anaemic and do not realize it. You can take supplements to keep your energy levels up. “It’s all about loving your body. If you don’t love your body and look after it, your libido level will be under the floor. You cannot have good sex like this. Be disciplined with yourself. I describe myself as being creative as an artist but as disciplined as a soldier," she concluded. Launched in January 2014, 'Take Control’ is a public awareness campaign aimed at breaking down one of the last remaining sexual taboos, a condition which is rarely discussed – premature ejaculation. The ‘Take Control’ campaign includes a dedicated website and you can also log on to Alessandra's own website here to find out more information on any of the above issues.