Adulthood can be tough.
As children, all we wanted to do was grow up. We spent our days dreaming about impending adulthood and how much fun we’d have once we got the golden keys to life. We thought we’d live in a massive apartment like the ‘Friends‘ one, we’d have incredibly handsome husbands, devilishly adorable children, and not a stretch mark in sight. We’d have time for book-clubs, frolicking on beaches, and meditation. Basically, the grown-up life we dreamed of was a perfect Instagram account.
HA.
Turns out… it’s a tad different. We’ve compiled a list of all the things no one told us about being an adult.
- Toiletries don’t grow in the bathroom – We COMPLETELY took for granted the fact that shampoo, fancy soap, and pretty much any shower gel imaginable arrived as if by magic in the bathroom. That sh*t costs money and it makes us so sad, also thanks, Mum
- Bins are hard – The WORST thing about being a grown up is bins, strong statement…we know! Firstly, they always smell, no matter how often you change them. When you finally do drag them out, you’ve no idea which bin they should go in, and are bin tags even still a thing? Do I have to register for that? Will they take my account details? Oh Jesus, just have a nap.
- The postman only brings bad news – They always seem to be smiling, but in actual fact that green trolly they push around is packed full of bills, bills and more BILLS. Run away really fast, actually take another nap if you can.
- Passports expire – It happened to me, it could happen to you… sort it out.
- Bath mats are a necessity – Some of us have spent the tail end of our twenties slipping and almost sustaining serious injuries in the shower. No one told us how important bath mats are, inside and outside the shower, just buy a heap of them.
- Money costs money – You scrimp, you save, you get the dream job, but at the end of the day, be prepared for the tax man to take all your money. Cool.
- Kids cost money – Holy sh*t… they’re cute but man do they poop, guess who has to buy the nappies? Oh that’s right, it’s us.
- TV box subscriptions are the absolute worst – This is right up there with bins, you should really be told as a kid that once you decide on a provider you are in it for life. Also, they’re really weird about their boxes, and they charge you if you move house too, it’s basically a sh*t show. Don’t ever expect to talk to a human on the phone, everyone is a robot these days (insert grandmother emoji) and they JUST DON’T LISTEN.
- Bread makes you fat – When we were younger, sandwiches were good! Your mother would pack them in your lunchbox. All of a sudden as an adult bread has become an enemy that everyone is afraid of. Good thing we can’t afford food anyway
- The Lotto becomes your end game – Find me one adult who isn’t planning on winning the Lotto and I’ll eat my hat, which I bought in Penneys because I can’t afford life*.
*See all of the above.
