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Life

28th May 2015

10 Things That Happen When Your Friend Gets Engaged

The moment that ring picture appears on Facebook, expect your friendship to alter.

Sophie White

The moment that ring picture appears on Facebook, expect your friendship to alter for the duration of the engagement: it seems to be kind of inevitable.

Here’s what happens when your best friend gets engaged…

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The crying

There it is, the hand picture which is now mandatory for every newly-engaged woman to send on the group WhatsApp. Now prepare for a helluva lotta crying. Her, you, her mum, your mum (weirdly), everyone’s crying – it’s good practice for the coming months when at every occassion that alcohol is served you will all find yourselves getting bleary and misty eyed that she’s GETTING MARRIED. Squeeeeeeaal. During one of these sessions, it is also likely that you will corner the guy in question and issue a series of threats about ever hurting her. It sorta just happens.


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You sense that you are being judged for bridesmaid-worthiness

Which, let’s face it, we probably are. Modern weddings are like those massive stage shows that Gaga and Tay Tay put on and the bride is both the star and the director. They’re thinking of the big picture, and if your fat arms are going to be drawing unwanted attention and detracting from the otherwise perfect wedding photos then you’re out. A bridesmaid also needs a perky, kind of can-do attitude to withstand the torrents of bullshit regarding table centre pieces and wedding favours that will inevitably dominate the next 10 months of her life.


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You will have very serious talks about bunting, mason jars and the age-old question of “to veil or not to veil”

You think you won’t be sucked into these debates, but they become weirdly fascinating. Sidenote: Always veil. It’s our one chance aside from communions or towels in the nativity plays.


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Start to sense that your friend may have gone a bit mad

The typical ‘bride gone mad’ is a tired old stereotype, HOWEVER clichés are cliché for a reason: IT’S THE TRUTH. Brides be batshit cray. When you’re engaged, it’s hard not to lose all sense of reality. Everyone the bride meets is saying things like “Remember this is YOUR day”. She’s planning an entire event dedicated to celebrating HER (and some guy’s involved apparently) on a budget that would reasonably do for a downpayment on a house.


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The hen planning

The hen planning can be a real friendship-killer, especially for the person organising. There’s really only two ways that a hen can pan out. Either you are in charge of organising a mini break for 18 people who seem physically unable to respond to your emails and confirm whether or not they’re doing the horse riding. Or you are the person who is understandably bitter about dropping 200 quid on a weekend away in Carrick-on-Shannon and spending two days circling the same pubs and club wearing pink willy tiaras and feather boas with practically every other hen and stag party in the country when you could’ve been at home not spending 200 quid and happily doing virtually anything else. *And breathe*


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The dress shopping (and the justifying of buying several outfits)

Shopping is contagious. It’s impossible to just watch someone else shop without getting involved. We also need several outfit options to cover all weather eventualities. Important sidenote: It’s kind of an unwritten rule that you shouldn’t really look too good at someone else’s wedding and never ever wear white, ivory, champagne, cream, blush, dresses from Monsoon… you get the idea. Veils are also a no no for attendees sadly, the only thing worse than wearing a veil to someone else’s wedding would be doing something like this…


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The inevitable evaluating of your own relationship

At some point during your friend’s engagement you will have the thought “Why aren’t WE engaged?” If you’ve been on the Proseccos making another toast to your engaged friend then it’s quite likely that you will drunkenly voice this thought to your life partner. Nothing scares them quite so much as one of their girlfriend’s friends getting engaged. They feel that giant man-lasso we used to catch them closing tighter and tighter around them. If you are single when your friend gets engaged see number 9.


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Pintresting

Pinterest becomes an actual compulsion when your friend gets engaged. The Man just could not understand the crazy levels of involvement I was having on my friend’s wedding Pinterest board. He doesn’t understand that I am living vicariously through her. Once your friend is engaged, then you are essentially engaged by proxy.


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The Proseccos

So much f*cking Prosecco. I kind of hate the stuff. If you are single during the pre-nuptial frenzy, then beware Prosecco-consumption may lead you to panicking somewhat and taking up with any old random penis that has a man attached.


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The realisation that you’re quite possibly a bitter b*tch

Look we all feel understandably testy in the face of other people’s happiness, it’s totally NORMAL.


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What’s not normal however is begrudging her this time to rub your face in her happiness…


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