10 Things… That Instantly Kill The Mood During Sex

Bumping uglies, getting down and dirty, ridin’ – whatever you want to call it, there’s no denying that sex is an essential part of human life. We all know that amazing, mind-blowing, toe-curling sex is incredible, but sometimes things go wrong in the bedroom and the mood dies faster than you can say ‘well... this is awkward...’ Don’t worry, embarrassing, mortifying sex happens to all of us at some point in our lives. In fact, you can pretty much bet your bottom dollar that everyone (and their granny!) has at least one dodgy sexytime story. In the spirit of humour we thought it’d be funny to put together the 10 Things That Instantly Kill The Mood During Sex. Read on, have a giggle and if you think of any more, feel free to send them to us: hello@her.ie _____________ 10 things That Instantly Kill The Mood During Sex He's hot but you're so cold you think you're getting frost bite 1. When you’re absolutely freezing: He’s doing everything he can to heat things up in the boudoir but all we can think about is how freakin’ cold we are. The man can pull whatever moves he likes, but honestly? We’d rather just put our socks and our fleecy pyjamas back on. FYI: our eyes are closed because we’re busy fantasising about an open fire and a nice, heavy duvet. 2. When the phone rings (and he answers it!): The only thing more off-putting than a phone ringing during sexy time is when your partner in crime picks it up and answers it. Eh... if you’d rather talk to someone else right now, why are we even here?! 3. Awkward dirty talk: Sometimes dirty talk can add to the whole ‘sexy ambiance’ of what’s happening between the sheets. However, other times it can just be embarrassing and mortifying for everyone involved. Unless you possess a total sex-voice or are skilled in the art of erotic prose, it’s best to stop after a cheeky “You like that, don’t you?” 4. Adult movie antics: There’s nothing wrong with a little confidence in the bedroom but strutting about the place like you’re God’s gift and thinking that you know everything there is to know about how the opposite sex works is a major passion killer. In order for sex to be any good, both parties have to be open to taking direction. "Is he seriously asleep right now?!" 5. He falls asleep mid rumpy-pumpy: This kills the mood because it makes you have a full-on existential crisis. Example: 'Is he... asleep? Oh my god, he’s actually asleep! This means I’m boring in bed! WAHHH!' Not great for your self-confidence, this one. 6. When food experiments go seriously wrong: ‘I’ll bring some whipped cream into the bedroom,’ you think. ‘That’ll spice things up!’ you think. Incorporating food into your bedroom shenanigans is always a good idea in theory. It’s usually all fun and games until some whipped cream ends up in your eye or a wayward piece of chocolate ends up somewhere it shouldn’t... Also, champagne is a great idea until you realise some areas are far too sensitive for bubbles. 7. When he calls you by his ex-girlfriend’s name: You’re lost in the moment until you hear the name Jessica. Which is interesting given the fact that you’re actually called Sarah. Awks. "If the doctor asks, you fell down the stairs..." 8. When someone gets injured: There’s nothing wrong with a little enthusiasm when it comes to sex. In fact, enthusiasm is something that’s usually encouraged. However, when you’re a bit over-excited, you tend to lose control of your limbs. Arms fly about the place and unintentionally hit people, you miscalculate the width of the bed and end up falling off and you get so involved in the throes of passion that you accidentally knee him in the groin as you switch positions. Nothing kills the mood faster than a trip to A&E... 9. When your neighbours bang the wall and tell you to keep it down: Everything is going great until the elderly couple next door make their presence known. Number one: you feel a bit bad for waking them up (it is a week night in fairness) and number two? You now know that you’ll never be able to look them in the eye again. 10. When you realise you’re wearing your Bridget Jones underwear: You’re getting up, close and personal with your fella and his hand reaches your waistband. All of a sudden you remember that you’re wearing your oldest, rattiest pair of knickers. Not ideal. Your levels of passion start to decrease at the speed of light and you curse yourself for not binning those miserable pants months ago. Sad face.