10 Things… We Always Do On Holidays

We Irish are a strange kind of people. According to airport studies, we're only delighted to be getting out of the country on a constant basis. However, when we do get to our chosen foreign destination, there are always a certain number of things that we get up to... 1. We try to find an Irish pub. Do we try to get involved in the new local culture? Yes, occasionally. However, after two days we need to find a local pub where everyone knows our name. We need to find an Irish pub. 2. We ring home to tell them about the weather. It's not enough that we're constantly updating Facebook with the words "BEACH SELFIE" but now we have to make sure we ring the parents and inform them about how hot it is at the moment. Right after we take a nap... 3. We still drink cups of tea. It could be the height of ridiculously hot weather. In fact, the sun could literally have made contact with the planet and we would still put on the kettle for at least six cups of tea. Where would you get some proper milk around here?! 4. We apply fake tan before we go to the beach. Look, we can't be frightening people when we get to the beach, looking like ghosts and scaring children. The safest thing for everyone is just to put on some fake tan. 5. We convince ourselves that we will move away or go travelling. "Isn't it lovely here? I'm going to quit my job. I'm moving here. Sure, I'll get a job teaching English. No one will even know I'm missing." 6. We panic about the phone bills. "How long have I been talking to you now? TWO MINUTES? I need to hang up, the roaming charges will be through the roof." 7. We get BURNED! Like the vampires that we are... As Irish people, we just cannot take the sun. We just can't. 8. WE REFLECT LIGHT! In fairness, you will probably be able to find us on any given beach at any given time. We REFLECT the sun. We reflect it. We are beacons of light outside our country. 9. We make friends with absolutely bloody everyone. PEN PALS! "Oh, how are you doing? I'm Irish! Let's be friends! Will you move home with me? Sure, of course you will. We'll be friends forever. I love you." 10. We look for real food. We love the new culture, we're already convinced we're going to move here and leave Ireland forever but then we can't find sausages. Or black pudding. Or real milk. We're on a mission... a mission for real food.