10 Things You Should Never EVER Say During Sex

Sex is probably the most natural social construct between two beings. It’s basic human instinct to find a mate and procreate/pleasure/fumble. But the act itself is not always as smooth as raunchy rom-coms would have you believe. The average folk endure a few hiccups, grapples and things that can generally kill the mood. So here, to help you out, we have the 10 things you should just flat out absolutely, categorically, never utter during sexy time. Someone else’s name Seems fairly obvious but it’s imperative that you remember and only utter the name of your current partner when you get down to business. General chit chat Asking your significant other about their day is probably best kept for a cup of tea and not between the sheets. Even if something hilarious pops into your head, mentally note it and return to the conversation at a later moment. “Is that supposed to happen?” Generally questions are probably a grey area but if there’s something you need to ask it probably shouldn’t be phrased as the above. “Everybody looks funny naked” Assuring your squeeze that everyone looks funny naked is not exactly the most flirtatious of talk nor will it do much to ease your poor partners body hang ups. Polish their ego a little bit instead, be the Gok Wan to their nudity. “My ex used to like it like that?” Steer clear of the ex-files. Especially when making direct comparisons of specific sexual acts. We’re no sexperts but we’re gonna go out on a limb and say that this is probably somewhat a turnoff. “So…what is this?” Um. Look, be assertive, have the talk and define your boundaries. Probably best not to lay your feelings bare while your lover is well, laying bare… “Were you born with that?” Jesus wept. Probably best not to point out a conspicuous looking mark/bump/freckle and ask about its origin. Avoid. Sobbing/Yawning Blatant yawning is frowned upon. And sobbing…well... “Could you just pass me my phone?” Look being honest; there are a few times when our favourite Netflix show crosses our minds when we should be otherwise occupied but verbalising the desire to surf the net is likely to cause offense. “Already?!” Just, read the signs.