It’s a vicious cycle. We can barely keep your eyes open by 8pm and yet when it comes to an acceptable time to sleep (we say anytime after 9), our mind buzzes with our deepest thoughts of self-improvement, world domination and lunch.
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I’m going to get up at 6.30 and go for a run
Yes, we temporarily forget the inevitable morning coldness and promise, promise ourselves solemnly that our new morning routine will encompass a run. Maybe 5k, maybe even 10k? Sure, heck, we’ll just all start training for the marathon. We’ll probably win the feckin’ thing.
I should do some sit-ups while I’m lying here
But the covers are oh-so warm and it’s not great for the back to exercise on such a cosy surface. Or so we’ve heard, we never actually succumb to those heinous thoughts of night-time exercise.
I’m only going to eat fruit this week
The diet starts tomorrow. Sausage rolls are out. Apples and oranges are in. It’s probably time to invest in a Nutribullet. Proceed to Google high-energy smoothies.
I could write a book
We could all write a book. What will it be about? Our lives, obviously. They’d be be so interesting to other people.
I wonder what questions I’ll be asked when I’m interviewed on The Late Late Show about my epic tome
We craft the perfectly articulate answers to the hypothetical questions we’d be asked following the success of the breakthrough novel. We’d be witty, endearing and possibly the nations sweetheart.
Do I have to pee?
Should we get out of bed? Could we sleep it off?
What will I wear tomorrow? I want to look super hot and sophisticated
Naturally, the sudden transformation to fully functional, healthy-living adult should be accompanied by a super svelte wardrobe upgrade. We lay awake thinking about the combinations we can create with our Zara basics that will most closely resemble Alicia Florrick.
I’m going to eat eggs after my run and then make my lunch
Yeah we waste too much money on the aforementioned sausage rolls. And we don’t even enjoy chicken fillet rolls for lunch. Tomorrow’s lunch will be a homemade masterpiece. We should probably invest in some quinoa and fennel for the rest of the week. And kale – we’ve heard good things about kale.
I’m going to start a savings account
Yep, we’ll all go to the credit union tomorrow. No more Friday night Espresso Martinis. If we gave them all up we’d nearly have enough for a zippy new car or even a deposit.
I’m going to start all of this tomorrow
It’s getting late and we’ve done enough planning for the night. Those sit-ups will definitely happen tomorrow. Tonight is different. But first, sleep.
What else crosses your mind before sleep? Let us know on Twitter @Herdotie or Snapchat us; her.ie.
