10 Wednesday-Thoughts We Have Every Goddamn Wednesday
Why are Wednesdays more slump-day than hump-day?
I feel like Wednesdays are the real enemies of joy. Think about it, at no other point in the week are we so far from a weekend (past or future). Most weeks I feel like I have a small, very localised nervous breakdown on a Wednesday that leads to a total loss of perspective on life and what I like to call Wednesday Logic.
Here're 10 Wednesday-thoughts we have every goddamn Wednesday...
"WAIT, I thought it was Thursday?"
*Lies down and dies....*
"I'm not going out tonight, it'll derail the whole week."
*Goes home and drinks all the wine instead.
"If I could just squeeze one more gym sesh in this week, then it won't matter when I go out after work on Thursday and return home Sunday morning having not stopped eating or drinking once."
See Point 2. You're not going to the gym, be real... it's Netflix and chill fo' life.
"Two more sleeps 'till a sleep in..."
Why can't we just collectively decide as a race to sleep Wednesday through Friday? WHHYYYYY? *Adopts whiney voice...
"It's mid-week, I've made it this far I'm going to treat myself to a takeaway."
I can't seem to grasp that it's not really a 'treat' if I'm having 'beginning of the week takeaways' and 'end of the week takeaways' and 'rainy day takeaways' and 'bad day takeaways' and 'good day takeaways' and 'I have elbows takeaways'.
"I'm so fat, no more 'everyday takeaways'... after this one that is."
Commence plotting to take up Ballet Barré while using prawn crackers in place of a spoon to parlay sweet 'n' sour chicken to the mouth. TIP: If you're eating something with 'n' in the title you have strayed FAR from your #Goals.
"I was supposed to be 'being good' this week, ah it's too late now I already had the wine."
*Quickly stuffs face with everything in sight.
"Wednesdays are way worse than Monday what were the Boomtown Rats talking about?"
Crafty Wednesdays trick you into believing that you're nearly there but in reality there is at least 48 hours of drudgery left before the weekend. I'm on to you Wednesday...
Some perky friend will deffo ask if you fancy a run on a Wednesday: "Why must you hurt me like this?"
Damn you blue tick on WhatsApp, now she knows that I've seen the message.
"Thank God for Internet shopping..."
It's the only known cure for Wednesday though beware a Wednesday spiral may cause the purchase of wildly unsuitable and unflattering items...