11 reasons car sex should definitely not be a thing
The idea of car sex really gets us revved up.
We have visions of THAT Titanic scene - all steamy windows and racing hearts.
But the reality is a bare-bottomed struggle in the back of a steamed-up Micra.
Just don't do it. It shouldn't be a thing. Here's why.
1. Hard Objects
Between the steering wheel, gear stick and handbrake, it's hard to know which hard objects you're avoiding and which you're aiming for.
2. Carpet burn
If it's not carpet burn, it's your ass sticking to the leather. Both options are terrible, because car sex shouldn't be a thing.
3. Someone will hit the handbrake
Annnnd you're rolling down a hill butt-naked. Private parts are, however, still fully engaged.
4. You will bang your head
And you will pass out. It's probably for the best.
5. You will be caught
People just don't want to see that. And even worse - some do. They really, really do.
6. You'll be CAUGHT caught.
*Newsflash from the fun police* Sex in public is illegal.
Head on a swivel. Head on a swivel.
7. Someone accidentally sits on the horn
There are too many innuendos.
8. Finding someplace to park
By the the time you actually find someplace you both agree on, you hate each other.
9. Constant reminders of everyday life
Let's face it, our car is our second bedroom... Food wrappers, bills, crumbs, gear bags, hairdryers....
10. Leg cramps
No-one wants to ugly-cry when they're having sex.
11. Awkward questions the next day
You're giving your friend a lift to work.
"What the hell is that stain??"
"Get out of my car."