Say what you want about the Irish, but one thing is certain – every year without fail we are, as a nation, horrifically unprepared for warm weather.
This is multiplied by a thousand when it comes to dressing for the weather.
As women, it’s something else to make us dread going to work (aside from missing out on getting sunburnt while drinking cans in the park) – what the feck are we supposed to wear?
Here are the struggles all ladies endure when faced with dressing for work during a heatwave.
1. The initial panic
Jean Byrne has no clue of the heart attack she gives you when she tells you the sun is on it’s way as you realise you’ll have to cobble together some outfits for the office that are cooling but not revealing. Ugh, the bother.
2. Sifting through your old holidays clothes
Is anything you wore in on that hen in Marbella last year office-appropriate? Are your co-workers ready to see you in a tropical-patterned shift dress? Will that yellow boob tube get you fired? You lose all touch with reality, given how stuck you are.
3. Giving your legs the first shave of the year…
Only to find that your flesh is pretty much reflective without its usual covering of fuzz. Out with the instant spray tan that’s a completely different colour to your sunburnt face and shoulders. You end up looking vaguely like Neapolitan ice-cream.
4. Weighing up whether sandals are acceptable
Toes are just toes, right? Saying that, you DON’T want to see anyone else’s toes. You decide your toes are an exception and give yourself an emergency pedicure with some nail polish that came free with a magazine.
5. Taking cues from your colleagues
The absolute FEAR of being the only one to go legs-out. You expose more and more skin throughout the week based solely on what everyone else wears. Then your boss comes in in a short skirt and it’s a free-for-all.
6. Having your sundress ride up and getting your arse stuck to your chair at your desk.
You don’t know what’s worse, feeling like your backside and your chair will have to be surgically separated or the telltale sound of sweaty bum cheek being peeled off leather. Getting up to grab a coffee has never been so difficult.
7. Contemplating going bra-less
Underboob sweat has you driven so demented that you’re considering kicking off a Free The Nipple campaign in your office. Desperate times call for desperate measures and you test-drive a couple of tops in front of the mirror sans bra, giving your diddies a good shake with every outfit you try on.
8. Sneaking quick blasts of deodorant into each armpit at your desk
By the end of the week, everyone you work with is very familiar with each of the bras you own, but it’s worth it to keep the stink at bay.
9. Getting insanely jealous of the one girl who just happens to have a killer summer wardrobe ready to go
Piss off Martina – how can one person have so many cute but (crucially) modest skirt and top combos just sitting there?
10. Counting down the hours until you can go home, and throw on pyjama shorts and your Minnie Mouse vest top from Penneys.
Absolute bliss.
