A few weeks ago, I was heading out on the town, and before leaving my friend’s house I was sitting down with two other girls and the topic of boyfriends and marriage came to the fore.
I uttered the words “I actually don’t care whether I get married or not” and it was met with a gasp from one and an odd stare from the other. It’s not that they didn’t respect my decision—they simply couldn’t understand it. How could someone not be bothered about the fact they may never get married? I thought getting married was already a very old-fashioned tradition, but it seems not getting married still baffles many, even those in their early 20's.
I should have guessed as we clearly still believe in marriage—we've seen a steady marriage rate since 1864, with religious ceremonies still accounting for the majority of opposite sex marriages according to the
Central Statistics Office.
I’ve been to four weddings my entire life and I must admit—they take the cake for being the best parties. Dancing the night away to old school classics, getting up to the wildest shenanigans in the company of so many friends and family (many of whom you never knew could get so sh*t faced—it’s brilliant) breaking wild moves on the dance-floor and eating some of the most glorious food you’ve ever had—it’s simply heavenly. And of course, everyone looks their absolute best, especially the bride, who was always gorgeous, but you never knew just what film star aura she could emanate until you saw her on that very day.
So why am I not so eager to have my time in the spotlight?
I like to delve into the meaning of things in a bid to truly understand them. When I did the same regarding marriage I wasn’t too impressed as to why it came about in the first place. A marriage was a strategic alliance, existing to ensure the succession of assets and wealth in a family, as well as accumulating more through marital partnerships and to strengthen familial ties.
Later marriage was very much instilled by the Church—with those who had a baby outside of marriage usually facing pretty bleak options. If viewed from a historical standpoint, the whole idea of marriage stinks to me. Oh, and you were also your husband’s property… (*major vom*). Sometimes I cannot help but solely think of marriage for what it really is… a business contract. To me, there’s nothing natural about it whatsoever.
Nowadays it’s an insane amount of money to get married, especially if you’re planning on purchasing that humble abode too—and oh, it shall be humble when you’re left out of pocket after the big day as so many strive to have THE best wedding. According to
weddingsonline.ie it's estimated that 36 percent of couples spend over €20,000 on their big day, with 60 percent of us delving into our savings for it too. But money still isn’t the deciding factor for me. It’s the concept of marriage I find challenging to come to terms with.
In Ireland, at present, I can understand why people would rather get married if they plan on having children—it’s a safer option (thank you Bunreacht na hÉireann). If two unmarried persons have a child, the father may find himself applying to the courts in order to be a guardian—if he married the mother on the other hand, that would be an automatic right. This is something that puzzles me. As we are still dominated by a fervent Catholic establishment, our schools are largely run by a religious patronage too. I know people who have gone and got hitched simply to avoid issues involved around getting their child a place in a particular school. To me, that’s not fair.
I also find it hard to imagine that signing a contract titled ‘Marriage Certificate’ will make me care about my other half any more than I already do. I already feel secure in my relationship so I can’t say marriage would further enforce that element for me and I believe if anyone thinks marriage will bring that to their romance—they're already in trouble. In fact, that I know.
Neither I nor my boyfriend have any major assets to take care of (*tear*)… so there goes that motive. Furthermore, if a Catholic Church ceremony was on the cards, I know I wouldn’t have the patience to sit there during the whole pre-marriage course discussion, simply so as I could stand on the alter in my big white dress (and let's not get into where the white dress idea comes from). Taking relationship advice from someone who seemingly has never been in an intimate relationship, nor experienced marriage for themselves does not in any way tickle my fancy (no offense intended).
I don't like embracing tradition just for the sake of it, but I’ve always said if it TRULY means the WORLD to my other half to tie the knot—I’ll go with the flow, and I’ll have a damn good wedding day. Even though I have my doubts about marriage for me personally, I do hope plenty of my friends get married (it sounds like they will anyway)—I adore the glamorous occasion that weddings are, and if it makes them feel more secure in their relationship or it makes sense to them to tie the knot, for whatever other reason, I shall be there in full support to celebrate their big day.
