#AgonyCant I'm the girl lads want to have fun with, not have a relationship with 2 years ago

#AgonyCant I'm the girl lads want to have fun with, not have a relationship with

agony can't

"I feel like I'm always the girl that guys want to have fun with, but never the girl that guys want to be with...

"What do I do?"

Right, I'm just going to come out and say that that statement is 100 percent untrue.

I don't know you, I don't know what basis you have for making this claim, and I don't know anything at all about the context of this question but I do know that what you've said is false.

The issue isn't that this is true though - it's that you feel that way, and that's obviously going to affect your confidence and your trust when getting into new potential-relationships. Which is absolutely shit.

Switching off the feeling of 'always being that girl' isn't easy. And it's most likely not going to be something that goes away overnight (if it does though, let me know how you managed to swing that one, cheers).

More often than not, understanding why you're feeling like shit is key to overcoming feeling like shit... and you're most likely feeling like shit because you've internalised this idea of what lads see you as.

Chances are, a few guys have recently treated you like the girl they only want to have fun with. Maybe they even began a serious relationship with someone else when the two of you stopped seeing each other.

Then, when the next lad comes along, you're waiting for him to treat you like the girl he just wants to have fun with too. And if he does, then all your suspicions are confirmed, you feel like shit, and you're frustrated with yourself for even bothering in the first place.

A couple of similar experiences like these in a row absolutely has the potential to make you feel like this is how every single one of your relationships has ever gone. But you and I both know (I don't know at all, because you're anonymous), that this is not the case.

If you take 10 lads you've been involved with and count out the ones who just wanted to 'have fun' with you, it wouldn't be all 10.

Chances are it's the last couple of guys who have treated you like that and because those experiences are recent, it feels like this is the ways things always are. But those last couple of guys are totally random.

If they occurred one-by-one, spread throughout your dating life, you probably wouldn't even notice them. It's just because they've been back-to-back that you're more aware of it.

The trouble is that we internalise shit all the time, but it's generally only the negative experiences that we notice - meaning that while it might feel like this is 'always happening to you,' it isn't.

You can't control what guys do, and you shouldn't need to change your behaviour either. But what you can do is change the way you're thinking about the situation.

... Which is absolutely easier said than done but it's the one part of this scenario that isn't totally out of your control.

"I am currently 'seeing' someone but our lives are very different and quite messy at the minute despite us both really liking each other.

"Any idea on how to get things to work in a more serious relationship?"

I like to think of romantic relationships like any relationship ever - if you're both bothered to make it work, you'll make it work.

But then again I have a less-than-stunning track record when it comes to making people realise they want to go out with me, so what do I know?

Still though, no matter how busy you are, no matter what bits you've got going on, no matter how many episodes of Love Island Australia you've got to catch up over the weekend, if you want to hang out with someone and they want to hang out with you, you'll find a time and a place for it.

Relationships take two people to work and if they're not working then there's probably a reason for it. There's only so much you can do to force a relationship into being if things like work, other relationships, and general life are getting in the way.

One (very obvious) thing you can do though is talk.

Legit just have a conversation about where you want the relationship to go, see where their head's at, and you'll know whether something more serious could ever work.

If they're on the page as you, great - off you go, make it official, have some babies, and die in each others arms.

And if they're not, then at least you'll know. After that, deciding whether you're OK to keep things casual is the next step.

But if a serious relationship is something you want and it's just not happening, you probably won't be able to force it.