“I met a guy through work a few years ago.
“We started texting, not consistently. He would always respond with long messages. He has often suggested meeting for coffee. He has even asked me about my relationship status as he is just out of one also.
“People have commented on us saying that they think he might like me. I recently braved asking him out for a coffee which he accepted. We met and it was lovely and easy. We chatted and laughed.
“He even text me that evening to say thanks and that he enjoyed it. We have texted since but he hasn’t asked to meet again. Am I wasting my time or what should I do?”
You are absolutely not wasting your time and he likes you. That’s it, that’s the end of this answer – next question.
Just kidding, I’ve got a 600 word count to hit.
Not only that, but I can also empathise with you, and your texting problem, one hundred and fifty thousand percent.
I’ve been the girl that texts a lad nonstop and does absolutely nothing about it because I’m terrified of ‘over-stepping.’
I’ve also been the girl that texts a lad nonstop and then flat out asks if they want to begin a casual sex-based relationship only to be mercilessly rejected via Facebook Messenger.
Neither scenarios are ideal, in fairness.
But then there’s the odd time that I’ve been the girl that texts a lad nonstop, puts herself out there, and it actually pays off because hey, sometimes guys are just as terrified and tentative about being forward as you are.
It’s a violent and irritating fact but most of us are brought up to believe that men need to make the first move all the time.
In the club? He better come up to us.
Matched on Tinder? He has to message or else we will never speak.
Texting loads? He has to ask us out or else it’s not going to happen.
A lot of the time it’s not even a conscious thing, we just assume. And if it doesn’t happen the way we want we’re left frustrated and annoyed, but also operating under the presumption that he just didn’t like us very much.
And while, yeah OK, there’s a chance that he didn’t like us very much, but there’s also a chance that he’s feeling the exact same way we are – nervous about being too forward.
When it boils down to it, there is legit no reason why women shouldn’t make the first move all the time. Literally none.
And the fact that you went ahead and did it and asked him for coffee is absolutely class and you should be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there and getting what you wanted.
I do understand the anxiety around this in between space now though – the first time went well but now it almost feels as if you’re back to square one.
What are we? What does he want? Is this a thing?
I unfortunately do not have any of the answers to the above questions, but I do know one thing for sure – he likes you.
He wouldn’t have met up with you if he didn’t, so you can rest easy knowing that at least.
At the same time though – liking somebody doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to date them or even just go for coffee.
Relationships are complicated, people have things going on, life gets in the way, and sometimes liking a person and wanting to be with them are two entirely different things.
Sometimes, having feelings is simple – you feel them, so does the other person, you start dating, and it’s great. And then other times, it’s not.
You can never know any of this for sure though unless you pursue it. Keep seeing him, find out where he’s at, and take it from there.
Just make sure that you’re not the one who is constantly leading the charge – you made the first move but that doesn’t mean it’s your job to make all of them.
This time though, go for it. The worst that can happen is he says no.
But I highly doubt that he will.
Worried about going on a first date with someone new? Got some lad onto you who won’t take the hint? Are you being ghosted, breadcrumbed, or some other new form of dating trend? Just need somewhere to vent about everything that’s wrong with your love life? Same, to be honest.
Don’t worry though because at Her we’ve been there, we are still there, and we can maybe even give you some decent advice. At the end of the day, #ShiftHappens to all of us.
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