#AgonyCant I'm mates with someone I used to date and I think they still fancy me 3 years ago

#AgonyCant I'm mates with someone I used to date and I think they still fancy me

agony can't

"I matched with a girl on Tinder back in January.


"We dated for a while but nothing physical ever happened. Since then we'd become mates. Good mates. But then we ran into each other on a night out and it was v flirty.

"What does it mean?"

Look, if you thought you were picking up on 'v flirty,' you were probably picking up on 'v flirty.'

You know this person, you've dated in the past, you're mates now - chances are you'll be able to read when they're being a bit flirty and when they're not.

And if you're feeling the spark, it's probably there.

At the same time though, 'v flirty' doesn't always directly translate into 'v into you in a romantic setting and definitely does want something physical to happen ASAP.'

As much as we might want them to, sometimes signs that people are into us are just signs that point to, well, not a whole lot.


Unfortunately for us, all those listicle that provided you with 7 Signs That They Definitely Want To Ride You, Settle Down With You, And Procreate just aren't all that accurate. Sometimes, people just do things for whatever reason and it doesn't mean anything.

This is the burden we, as millennials and human beings in general, must carry.

And then at the same time, they might be deeply in love with you, think the situation is weird now because you're friends who once dated, and don't really know how to move your relationship securely out of the friendship zone.

Honestly, there is no way to know for sure if somebody is into you 100 percent until you're on a date, you're shifting, and they're telling you outright that they fancy you.


And even then, who knows? People are weird sometimes.

You also need to take a minute to consider why, if you were dating for awhile, nothing physical ever happened.

Was this a call on her part or yours? Did it just not feel right? Were you both too awkward to initiate anything? Or did someone initiate something and get rejected?

If it just never happened for seemingly no apparent reason, then it shouldn't make a difference going forward. But if there was some specific reason why physical intimacy didn't occur, you'll need to take a look back and see what the craic was.


Obviously, it's possible to date and for nothing physical to happen, but the fact that you've mentioned it above means that it's something you have considered, so it might be something worth considering.

You also should shuft focusing on whether or not this person wants anything to happen and consider whether you want it to happen.

Were you flirting because you still fancy this girl and you want something to go down? Or were you just flirting because she was flirting and you were going along with the whole thing?


If you want something to come out of this, ask her out on a date again. Just make sure you both know it's a date or otherwise you'll end up in that chronic state of 'are we going to shift now or wave at each other from afar as we say goodbye?' and nobody wants to be there.

If she says yes, excellent, you've successfully rekindled a romance that had for whatever reason fizzled out.

And if she says no, she's a mate, so she won't be rude or awkward about it. She'll hopefully let you down gently enough, it'll hurt for a few hours max, and then you can get on with the rest of your life.


Worried about going on a first date with someone new? Got some lad onto you who won't take the hint? Are you being ghosted, breadcrumbed, or some other new form of dating trend? Just need somewhere to vent about everything that's wrong with your love life? Same, to be honest.

Don't worry though because at Her we've been there, we are still there, and we can maybe even give you some decent advice. At the end of the day, #ShiftHappens to all of us. 

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