“OK, so there’s this guy I literally went on ONE date with around Christmas.
“The date lasted one hour and 30 minutes. I said about three words because he insisted on speaking over me and telling me how great he was the entire time.
“The problem is: I’m still talking to him… but only through memes on social media. I dislike the person in question but I can’t stop replying. What is wrong with me?”
First things first, there’s nothing wrong with you for chatting to some lad.
We all chat to lads, we all chat to girls, and we all get something from it.
Whether it’s attention, affection, actual decent relationships, a bit of fun, or even just something to do to pass the time, everyone does it.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with texting someone you’re not that into either, it’s hardly the worst thing in the world. But the risk is that you end up putting a lot of unnecessary energy into something that inevitably ends up being a waste of time.
There are a couple of reasons why people keep texting, seeing, or (in this case) meme-ing people they’re not into.
The first is because they’re bored. Either they’ve nobody else to chat to in a romantic sense in general, they’re hungover and lonely, or they just don’t have a whole lot going on that day.
The second is because they like the attention that comes with knowing someone is into them. Validation is something we all crave, and sometimes it just doesn’t matter whether it comes from someone we like or someone we hate.
And the third is because deep, deep (deep) down, they actually like the person they’re talking to. They might say that they’re annoying, or conceited, or doing their head in, but in reality they actually kind of enjoy having a vague relationship with them.
All of these reasons are absolutely valid too. Every single kind of relationship involves someone getting something in return, but you need to figure out if what you’re getting out of this is worth enough to keep replying.
(And judging by the fact that you said you legit don’t like this guy, it doesn’t really seem to be.)
In an ideal world, you’d start ignoring this lad’s memes, stop replying to him, and get on with your life. If there’s no chance of anything romantic or otherwise developing, then why bother?
But we don’t live in an ideal world and when someone’s texting you – and you’re getting something from it – it’s generally hard to just stop.
Maybe weighing up your options would be a good start – consider whether the attention or validation or vague interest that you’re getting from this meme-based relationship is enough to cancel out the frustrations you feel when you think back on that initial first date.
If you can put up with how much this guy loves himself in exchange for a few messages exchanged to quell your boredom, then grand – there shouldn’t really be an issue continuing as you are.
But if there’s any chance that your frustrations directed at him will become frustrations directed at yourself for continuing to talk to him, then you’ll need to rethink whether it’s all worth it.
There’s also a chance that this guy is super into you. Like, really into you. I personally haven’t been in a situation where I’ve bombarded anybody with memes and not had an agenda. He could be bored and just want someone to talk to… Or he could think you’re unreal and assume that your replies mean you think the same about him.
Best case scenario, he doesn’t think that and he’s just killing some time like you are. Worst case scenario, you wake up one day and he’s asking you to come over to his gaff and meet his parents while he professes his love for you – his Meme Queen.
Either way, there’s a reason why this messaging has continued for as long as it has, and although you won’t be able to figure out why from his end, you can figure out why from your own – and then you can decide whether it’s worth it or not.
Worried about going on a first date with someone new? Got some lad onto you who won’t take the hint? Are you being ghosted, breadcrumbed, or some other new form of dating trend? Just need somewhere to vent about everything that’s wrong with your love life? Same, to be honest.
Don’t worry though because at Her we’ve been there, we are still there, and we can maybe even give you some decent advice. At the end of the day, #ShiftHappens to all of us.
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