“This is a weird one.
“Hand-drawn dick pics keep getting left at my desk in work and I don’t know what to think.
“Honestly, it’s probably a joke, someone in the finance department I’m vague mates with having a laugh… but I can’t help but harbour the thought that this kind of behaviour might lead to something more sinister.
“I have attached an image of one of the drawn dicks (see below) for your consideration. Please help.”
Oh.
Right.
First off, this is gross, poorly drawn, and probably one of the strangest and most inappropriate things that someone can present to another person in the workplace after, well, a real life dick.
I have a lot of questions.
One is: exactly how many times have you discovered hand-drawn dicks on your desk? Another is: have you shared this problem with anybody else you work with (you should).
And another is: what the f*ck is wrong with people?
Let’s start with the image of the dick in question though (above) because I have a few thoughts about that:
1. The person who drew this dick and subsequently left it on your desk is depraved.
I mean, that much is clear.
Rather than spending their time making friends, socialising, or you know, doing their job, they have taken valuable time out of their day to sit down, poorly tear a page from a notepad, and draw a painfully unartistic picture of a dick.
This dick not only portrays a lack of talent on the drawer’s part, but it also points to somebody who is lonely, dull, and experiencing a severe lack of fulfilment in his or her (let’s be honest, it’s probably a guy) life.
They’ve blatantly never drawn pubes before either because what the f*ck is going on there?
2. The dick was evidently drawn with the intention to impress somebody.
Not you, but somebody.
A person wouldn’t go to all the trouble of drawing such a violent member if they didn’t have someone else beside them to be like, ‘Ha that’s gas man, you’re such a funny man, this will be hilarious for all of the 10 minutes we spend planning and doing it until we forget all about it and leave this poor person to deal with the aftermath when they come in to work.’
Absolute comedians.
3. The culprit has the artistic ability of a teenager who got a C3 in Junior Cert art… and the mind of a child
That’s not to say that this person isn’t intelligent. Nooo, not at all.
After all, they inevitably came up with this ploy all by themselves – namely due to the fact that if more than one person was involved in the sculpting of this plan somebody surely would have been like ‘lads, is this actually funny or are we just being dopes and maybe a bit mean and predatorial?’
Surely.
4. This isn’t funny
Like, it’s just not.
If these dicks are being left by people you rarely talk to make you feel some kind of way for whatever reason, it’s creepy, inappropriate, and just plain dumb.
And if your mates did this, maybe get new mates.
It’s 2018 like, comedy has come a long way since the days of ‘haha penis is funny’ and ‘women are annoying.’ If you really want to make someone laugh, whip out the latest meme or something, get creative with it, c’mon.
In all seriousness though, if this isn’t one of your friends from finance, leaving dicks like this around the place is honestly very creepy and sinister.
Go to HR girl, because that shit’s weird.
Worried about going on a first date with someone new? Got some lad onto you who won’t take the hint? Are you being ghosted, breadcrumbed, or some other new form of dating trend? Just need somewhere to vent about everything that’s wrong with your love life? Same, to be honest.
Don’t worry though because at Her we’ve been there, we are still there, and we can maybe even give you some decent advice. At the end of the day, #ShiftHappens to all of us.
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