Are Your Friendships Toxic?

Female friendships can be complicated things. Sometimes you meet someone and immediately hit it off (think Monica and Rachel from Friends). And sometimes, things get intense and ugly (hello Blair and Serena from Gossip Girl).

Growing up, we are conditioned to believe that friendship lasts forever. We live in a society where it is admirable to stick by your friends no matter what happens. But what if your friends act more like your enemies? What if you’re completely fed up of giving someone a second, third and fourth chance?

Should you continue to put up with a ‘friend’ (and we use the term loosely) who constantly borrows money and never pays you back? Should you forgive a ‘friend’ who tries to seduce your boyfriend behind your back?

It is a known fact that there are certain types of friends out there who are considered toxic. But how can you spot them? Well here’s a handy guide to the types of friendship that you should avoid at all costs…

The Copy-Cat:

It starts out in good fun. You guys ‘accidentally’ buy the same bag. But then the ‘accidents’ start getting more and more frequent until eventually she’s only gone and bought every single item of clothing that you’ve recently splurged on. You start to look like twins, and not in a fun way.

The Copy-Cat lacks a personality of her own, which is why she tries to emulate yours. At first it seems innocent enough, maybe even flattering, but eventually the Copy-Cat will start having the same career goals as you, she’ll start competing with you. She’ll want your job, your house and in some cases, even your man.

Unless you want a brand new twin sister, it’s a good idea to nip this friendship in the bud.

The Back-Stabber:

This friend could be the nicest person in the world (to your face) but behind your back, chances are she’s doing everything possible to get one up on you.

The Back-Stabber is ambitious and firmly believes in the old saying of “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” This person will betray you in some way, even if her reasons for doing so may no sense to you.

One way you can spot a backstabber? They tell you one thing, but tell a completely different story to everyone else in your group of friends.

The Diva: Everyone has a friend who is a little self-absorbed, but the Diva is completely self-centred. You’re just a tiny dot in her otherwise perfect world.

The Diva will talk non-stop about her own problems, her own issues and has no time to listen to any of yours. She’s high maintenance – you’ll constantly have to look after her or do stuff with her and she will never offer to do the same for you in return.

This is the epitome of a one-sided friendship. It’s exhausting and unrewarding. If you have a Diva in your life, you deserve better. Delete her number pronto.

The Passive-Aggressive One: This friend says one thing and means another – you know the one we’re talking about. Example: “Oh, that looks lovely on you. I didn’t think that colour would suit someone with your shape.” Twitch.

There’s no such thing as a free compliment with this person, there’s always a sting attached.

The Competitor: Have you lost weight? Well she’s lost more. Did you get a new laptop? Well she just bought a better one. Have you gotten a new boyfriend? Well, her new man is way hotter.

Do we need to say any more?

The Gossip Queen: This girl is great fun, as long as she’s not gossiping about you. However, gossips always need some new material eventually so you could quickly find yourself becoming the main supplier of stories for the rumour mill.

There’s no such thing as the phrase: “don’t tell anyone!” with this friend. She’ll not only tell everyone, she’ll also post it online, contact the local media and, possibly, commission a billboard so everyone knows about that time you had too much wine and had a cheeky kiss with a less-than-desirable member of the opposite sex…

The Flirt: This girl loves being the centre of attention and while she’s usually a laugh, she has no qualms about ditching leaving you in a nightclub by yourself just so she can go home with a man. She will flirt with your father and your brother, and she won’t care if you’re angry with her for it.

If there’s a man in the vicinity, her attention span goes completely out the window and if you have a fight? Well, then she’s likely to turn nasty and start trying to move in on your own boyfriend or husband and that, as we say around here in Her.ie, is a hell to the no.

Have you ever had a toxic friend? Check back for Part 2 of this article where we’ll be telling you how to deal with them without too much heartache.