Avoid the Curse of the Romantic Cliché

So you’ve just started seeing a great guy and your imagination starts to dream up all of these wonderful romantic scenes that you are looking forward to and can enjoy, now that you’re in a relationship.

But wait a minute. Just sit down and think about the logistics of such clichés. When you do they start to become a little less romantic and a lot more impractical? A lot faster than you might realise, ladies!

• So you’ve got the food prepared, the cool box at the ready and the rugs in the back of the car. You are officially ready for your romantic picnic in the park. You get there and it’s not as sunny or as warm as it was when you left the house. You also have the added nuisance of birds that occasionally swoop down, causing you to let out an unholy yelp and drop your sandwich. By the time you’re finished, it’s like an episode of Planet Earth: the rug is infested with all sorts of bugs that you never even knew existed!

• Probably the most common romantic cliché is to get naughty on the beach. But let’s be realistic, doing anything on the beach especially one in Ireland is a recipe for disaster. First-off Bundoran beach will feel like the Antarctic even in the middle of July. You’ll end up putting on at least another two layers and your nose will be running like a tap! Not exactly the most appealing of looks. Then you’ll have the sand blowing into your eyes and your makeup running because of the fierce, not gentle like in the Mediterranean, sea breeze. To cut a long story short you’ll end up looking like one of those people from a Beechams advertisement or a vampire!

• A candlelit dinner at home has to be disaster-proof, doesn’t it? Good food, romantic lighting, Barry White on the iPod –nothing can go wrong. Except for the fact that you can hardly see what you’re eating never mind your boyfriend sitting on the other side of the table! And you can’t move the candles closer because then there’s the, more likely than you’d think, chance of something like your hair catching fire. Cue your dinner and your relationship going up in flames.

• You’ve been prepping all day and finally you have everything you need for a romantic night in: food, champagne, lingerie (if you’re into that sort of thing of course). All you need to do now is scatter rose petals all over the house. Seems like a great idea, just like a scene out of Jennifer Aniston’s latest romcom. All is going well, that is until you realise that one of you is going to have to clean up those rose petals. Take note, hoovering has to be the least seductive house chore!

• Jumping in the shower together surely has to be one of the rare romantic and practical clichés. You’re there with your new man and you have someone to wash your back. It seems like a win-win situation. Then you realise it’s the cold light of day and you’d rather he didn’t see the mole you have on right bum cheek. And you also wish he’d stop hogging all the water. One showerhead, two people, it was never going to work. Your only option: get out, get dried and get over it!

Before you decide to take the plunge and re-enact your favourite romantic clichés, think long and hard about what could go wrong... because there’s nothing romantic about a trip to A&E.