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1st December 2013
05:00pm GMT
4. Don't lie about who the father of your child is.
They always find out in the end.
5. Leave your home for Christmas and go far away.
Things seem to happen at Christmas.
6. Don't sleep with husband's father/sister's husband/boyfriend's brother/husband's cousin/your cousin.
They mean family, but this is not what they meant.
7. Don't have any objects around the house that could be used to harm you.
Like a Queen Vic statue that's just lying around the house.
8. If there's an exciting event happening, someone is dying somewhere.
It's a guarantee that someone will die if there are any festivities.
9. Don't go to the pub unless you want to hear a big speech.
There is ALWAYS a declaration.
10. You MUST drink every lunchtime.
Even if you are not an alcoholic.
11. At some stage, you must own a stall.
Everyone starts somewhere on the Square.
12. If you need advice, go to the laundrette.
That's where Dot lives. She knows everything.
13. Half of your wardrobe must be leather, the other half must be leopard print.
Either Coronation Street or Eastenders. It has to be either or...
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