If there’s one thing that’s not great about being in relationships, it’s jealousy.
You spend all that time getting someone else to like you, hanging out with their friends, and having a generally decent time together only to get irrationally angry by the mere sight of their ex walking down the street.
It may just be for a second, but it happens, and you’re less than happy about it.
Jealousy is a normal feeling to have, it’s something all of us has experienced, and at the best of times, it’s fairly harmless.
However, jealousy can also be quite toxic if it becomes intense enough to affect how your relationship functions and how you react to certain situations.
Dr Robert Leahy has written the book on jealousy (no really, he has).
It’s called The Jealousy Cure, and it details the reasons why we get jealous and how to stop those feelings from manifesting into something more sinister.
Dr Leahy told the Independent that jealousy tends to come places of uncertainty, anger, and insecurities.
He also says that there are certain things we can do to overcome jealousy and not let it dictate our relationships.
Some of these things are pretty obvious, like simply stopping the controlling behaviour that stems from envy (if only it were that easy), but there are a few others that we hadn’t considered.
1. Realise that jealousy is, for the most part, a normal emotion to have and that there’s nothing wrong with you for feeling the way you do.
2. Stop your controlling behaviours – constantly asking questions, controlling situations, and always checking in on someone will only make your feelings of envy worse.
3. Take some ‘jealousy time’ – a specific time in the day where you let all of your jealous thoughts in unfiltered. Dr Leahy suggests about 20 minutes and afterwards, you should have exhausted those feelings.
4. Talk to your partner about how you feel. If them texting an ex makes you uncomfortable, let them know. They may not agree to stop doing what they’re doing, but communication is necessary.
5. Accept that things may not always work out the way you want them to. Sometimes, feeling such intense jealousy that can’t be helped might mean that that relationship is not for you.
