
Life

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Published 16:37 17 Feb 2014 GMT
Updated 07:33 18 Dec 2014 GMT

Fast forward to December 2009, I meet the love of my life, a decent, hard-working, normal and nice guy, who just so happened to be very easy on the eye. As far as been conventional - we were anything but!
After just five months of seeing each other, having fun and not thinking about the future, we were faced with a very real situation, an unplanned pregnancy.
A few days after finding out this life changing news, and both still unsure how we felt, I started bleeding. My doctor sent me to the A&E for a scan and there we were told it was too early to tell, as I was only a few weeks gone, but more than likely I was miscarrying. There in that moment I decided I wanted this little baby and I was going to do whatever I could to keep it safe and growing.
I returned two days later for more blood tests and was told the HCG level (pregnancy hormone) was dwindling, and I was in fact losing the baby. Heartbroken and numb I went home with the instructions to come in the following morning for another scan.
Returning at eleven the next morning to a waiting room of heavily pregnant, happy women, whilst we waited for a scan with the news that we already knew, was very hard to deal with emotionally. Other couples waiting in the area had the same wide eyed fearful look we had, only we already knew the answer, we weren’t going to come out with good news.
The doctor scanned me again, and to be honest I really don’t remember much of it. Next I was sitting at a table and he was explaining an ectopic pregnancy to me, and I kept thinking, ‘why is he telling me this?’ He explained the embryo had in fact not been growing inside my womb, but had instead attached itself to one of my Fallopian tubes.
Still not quite grasping the enormity of the situation, he explained I needed surgery and possibly to have the tube removed if it was badly damaged. I remember looking at my partner confused as to what was going on, when the doctor informed me I was going for surgery right then, and it be life threatening.
All that went through my head was, ‘I’m never going to have kids’. Going from finding out we were having an unplanned pregnancy, to not been pregnant, and then me having major surgery to a tube removed, all within two weeks was a tough time. More than most couples go through in their entire relationship, we dealt with in fives months of been together. Thankfully, instead of tearing us apart, it brought us a lot closer.
Fast forward three years time and we welcomed our gorgeous little boy into the world. Even though we planned our pregnancy this time, it was still a major shock finding out we were expecting. I think I spent the whole pregnancy worrying something would happen but trying not to, as I’m sure many women do!
Deciding to have our son was the best decision we ever made. We decided to move from our apartment to a new area and into a house.
Many welcomed this decision but, unfortunately, some were not so pleased.
It’s been a tough few months, I love my son with my all, but I knew I wasn’t feeling well again and went back to my doctor for medication.
My relationship with his dad was hanging by a thread at certain points, but I’ve learned to zone certain negativity out and all that go’s with it.
We’re getting there, it’s not been easy and there’s always going to be bumps along the way, but I know this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I’m not putting this down here as a sob story, nor am I looking for sympathy or claiming to be an angel.
I’ve done things I’m not proud of, but this is me.
I suffer with depression.
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A huge thank you to Cara for getting in contact to share her touching story with us.
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